There is little in this world from which I derive greater joy than that of the joy of my friends.
This is made more difficult when they live far away, or make themselves far away emotionally.
This is also made more difficult of late, as our lives are slowly and steadily taking on different priorities. It makes getting in touch with them and learning about the real details a little bit difficult.
WWD 10/24
Proverbs 17:17 (NRSV)
17 "A friend loves at all times,
and kinsfolk are born to share adversity."
If you're reading this and I know you at least a little well - there is a 100% chance that I love you.
And as to those of you I don't yet know well:
1 Sam 18:1-3 (NRSV)
"When David* had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was bound to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 2Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house. 3Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul."
To explain that - David meets Jonathan, Saul's son, and then David is kept within the palace, away from all he once knew. In the instant he and Jonathan met, they became friends. So to those I don't yet know well - it's never too late...
I would love to know what I could be praying for. Or just some way to cheer you up. It doesn't have to be detailed, if you don't want - but let me be a prayer warrior for you. Let me share in your adversity.
10.24.2010
10.23.2010
Athens and WWD 10/23
I have never been one for spur of the moment acts. Spontaneous comments and goofiness, sure - but never for the kind of thing that will dictate near-future events.
For example, I am often a bit of a wet blanket when it comes to invitations from friends to hang out when the invitation comes at the ninth hour. One fairly consistent exception to this deals with places that are quite near my house.
However, that was the not the case last night. I am typing this from the living room of a friend, upon their couch (which is also my bed). Earlier in the week, my dear friend Sarah 'no longer Rospond but now' White, was talking to me about possibly being in Athens briefly on Thursday, so I decided for certain that I would be coming up. Then I woke up feeling absolutely dreadful on Thursday, and had forgotten all about that conversation - deciding to postpone my Athens visit. However, I began feeling better around 6. Round about 8PM on Thursday, I got a text message from Sarah, who was currently sitting in the meeting room of CCF, wondering where the heck I was.
This put in a difficult position. On the one hand, I really wanted to see her. On the other, I would have to leave pretty much immediately to catch her for all of a half hour before she left. After waffling for about a minute, I ran downstairs, threw a change of clothes into my bookbag, and got into my car. A journey during which I set a personal best for travel between my home and Athens.
About 2 miles from the perimeter of Athens, or "The Loop," I saw some blue lights cue up behind and thought I was about to be very, very late. Thankfully, the gentleman immediately to my left was the culprit. So, I arrived in Athens - tired, gross, and very much flustered.
But I got to give Sarah a huge hug, and got to hug a bunch of other wonderful people in the meantime.
I'm still in Athens, in case that wasn't obvious. It's been fun - if a bit exhausting.
But I want to get back to the first sentence of this post... I have never been one for spur of the moment acts. I realized as I was driving to Athens that this wasn't entirely true. Perhaps I am not keen on spur of the moment as a whole - but my mind is quick as a whip about some things. It's a contributor to a disgustingly low level of patience.
Here's the thing though... I think the dynamic is switching - I'm more willing to do crazy and sudden things, especially where my friends are concerned. I've driven more places in the dark of night around Gwinnett county in the past month or so than ever before in my life - to hang out with a couple Core Members who are also dear friends, even if they don't know it yet.
And my mind... well, it's grown more patient. I was discussing with various people my summer that has bled on into fall, wherein nothing seems to be going in an ideal fashion. And yet, they all noticed a marked difference in me, one which I've only recently begun acknowledging... they noticed that I wasn't so much bothered by the lack of job, school, and so forth as I was bemused by it. Certainly, there are times where I feel like people's perception of me is perhaps a little bit freeloading or lazy...
But then I think about the ways in which God has tried my patience over this summer, and the ways in which he continues to do so now. Some require no elaboration, because they are personal, others because they involve people with whom the matter is private. But in all... I know that something is around the bend for me... when, how, and what... I've no notion whatsoever. But in the meantime, I am content making spur of the moment trips to be with the people who I care about. I am content getting to know and providing spiritual support for the teens at St. John Neumann...
Words of Whiz Dumb 10/23
Hebrews 6:11-12 (NRSV)
"And we want each one of you to show the same diligence, so as to realize the full assurance of hope to the very end, 12so that you may not become sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises."
I am content with patience for what God has in store for me. Though I admit, in diligence, I might be lacking.
For example, I am often a bit of a wet blanket when it comes to invitations from friends to hang out when the invitation comes at the ninth hour. One fairly consistent exception to this deals with places that are quite near my house.
However, that was the not the case last night. I am typing this from the living room of a friend, upon their couch (which is also my bed). Earlier in the week, my dear friend Sarah 'no longer Rospond but now' White, was talking to me about possibly being in Athens briefly on Thursday, so I decided for certain that I would be coming up. Then I woke up feeling absolutely dreadful on Thursday, and had forgotten all about that conversation - deciding to postpone my Athens visit. However, I began feeling better around 6. Round about 8PM on Thursday, I got a text message from Sarah, who was currently sitting in the meeting room of CCF, wondering where the heck I was.
This put in a difficult position. On the one hand, I really wanted to see her. On the other, I would have to leave pretty much immediately to catch her for all of a half hour before she left. After waffling for about a minute, I ran downstairs, threw a change of clothes into my bookbag, and got into my car. A journey during which I set a personal best for travel between my home and Athens.
About 2 miles from the perimeter of Athens, or "The Loop," I saw some blue lights cue up behind and thought I was about to be very, very late. Thankfully, the gentleman immediately to my left was the culprit. So, I arrived in Athens - tired, gross, and very much flustered.
But I got to give Sarah a huge hug, and got to hug a bunch of other wonderful people in the meantime.
I'm still in Athens, in case that wasn't obvious. It's been fun - if a bit exhausting.
But I want to get back to the first sentence of this post... I have never been one for spur of the moment acts. I realized as I was driving to Athens that this wasn't entirely true. Perhaps I am not keen on spur of the moment as a whole - but my mind is quick as a whip about some things. It's a contributor to a disgustingly low level of patience.
Here's the thing though... I think the dynamic is switching - I'm more willing to do crazy and sudden things, especially where my friends are concerned. I've driven more places in the dark of night around Gwinnett county in the past month or so than ever before in my life - to hang out with a couple Core Members who are also dear friends, even if they don't know it yet.
And my mind... well, it's grown more patient. I was discussing with various people my summer that has bled on into fall, wherein nothing seems to be going in an ideal fashion. And yet, they all noticed a marked difference in me, one which I've only recently begun acknowledging... they noticed that I wasn't so much bothered by the lack of job, school, and so forth as I was bemused by it. Certainly, there are times where I feel like people's perception of me is perhaps a little bit freeloading or lazy...
But then I think about the ways in which God has tried my patience over this summer, and the ways in which he continues to do so now. Some require no elaboration, because they are personal, others because they involve people with whom the matter is private. But in all... I know that something is around the bend for me... when, how, and what... I've no notion whatsoever. But in the meantime, I am content making spur of the moment trips to be with the people who I care about. I am content getting to know and providing spiritual support for the teens at St. John Neumann...
Words of Whiz Dumb 10/23
Hebrews 6:11-12 (NRSV)
"And we want each one of you to show the same diligence, so as to realize the full assurance of hope to the very end, 12so that you may not become sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises."
I am content with patience for what God has in store for me. Though I admit, in diligence, I might be lacking.
10.19.2010
Confirmation Retreat Weekend
This weekend was great. I have a post with a lot more information worked up... but I think that one'll be just for me.
The short version:
Life Teen confirmation retreat was this weekend...
I apparently know how to treat teens in a such a way they see me as a respectable authority figure instead of a parent-like disciplinarian. This comes as a shock to me, because I was sure I'd be more of the latter than the former (just as I bet most people would be sure I was more of the latter).
Also, I went to reconciliation for the first time in longer than I'd like to admit, and experienced it in a such a way as I never have in the past.
It was a good retreat, despite some rough patches and completely foreign situations. I am thankful to God for that - because it was all Him working through me and the other core members. Hooray!
The short version:
Life Teen confirmation retreat was this weekend...
I apparently know how to treat teens in a such a way they see me as a respectable authority figure instead of a parent-like disciplinarian. This comes as a shock to me, because I was sure I'd be more of the latter than the former (just as I bet most people would be sure I was more of the latter).
Also, I went to reconciliation for the first time in longer than I'd like to admit, and experienced it in a such a way as I never have in the past.
It was a good retreat, despite some rough patches and completely foreign situations. I am thankful to God for that - because it was all Him working through me and the other core members. Hooray!
10.12.2010
10.10.2010
My legs hurt.
Most-played albums at the moment:
"Easy Wonderful" by Guster
"Flamingo" by Brandon Flowers
"The Lord of the Rings OST" by Howard Shore
Tonight I led an event for Life Teen at my church. One in which I was out of my comfort zone. Outdoor games. Due to the three day weekend, we were putting on a non-teaching night of fun for the kids. I would have preferred standing in front of them and pr/teaching for them. But I think that's just because I'm weird. As it was, I had a lot of fun organizing the event itself... I wasn't responsible for much, if any, of the planning - because I wasn't originally supposed to be leading the night. Regardless - it was enjoyable... and for some strange reason very, very exhausting.
We had Corn Hole, Ladder Ball, Basketball, 4-square, ultimate frisbee, regular frisbee, some card games, and sidewalk chalk. We also had a football hiding in my trunk that we never got out because we didn't want them tackling one another on asphalt... which they would have done eagerly.
But yeah... that's was a benchmark for me... leading an event, confidently, with which I was quite uncomfortable. And for some reason, after that day - my legs really hurt.
In the meantime - the Braves lost game 3 of the NLDS, and I was saddened... but at least the Falcons are 4-1. That's pretty good news. Oh, and Georgia won yesterday... that was good. And Florida lost. And Alabama lost. Both generally good things, if not so great for the SEC's hopes to be in the championship this year.
Also, over the course of the day - I listened to a lot of music. Mostly the first two albums listed above. I like music. I also like being reminded of things that are important to me. These two albums do that both directly and indirectly.
They can be tacked onto a list I made in a previous post. Of course, at the time - I described that list of things as reminding me of something that was bittersweet. And even though it's still something I don't exactly go out of my way to think of - I've decided it isn't bitter.
It just isn't as sweet as I'd like. However, it has become an unavoidable occurrence - so I decided to stop letting it bother me. But really, I think about this every day, without even really realizing at first that my mind has gone there...
So I guess it's more of a surprising and sweet thing.
Or something.
We changed topics somewhere along the line up there - my bad. You'll probably get some sweet Words of Whiz Dumb tomorrow.
And by "you all" I mean... the one or two people who actually read this. *Sigh*
"Easy Wonderful" by Guster
"Flamingo" by Brandon Flowers
"The Lord of the Rings OST" by Howard Shore
Tonight I led an event for Life Teen at my church. One in which I was out of my comfort zone. Outdoor games. Due to the three day weekend, we were putting on a non-teaching night of fun for the kids. I would have preferred standing in front of them and pr/teaching for them. But I think that's just because I'm weird. As it was, I had a lot of fun organizing the event itself... I wasn't responsible for much, if any, of the planning - because I wasn't originally supposed to be leading the night. Regardless - it was enjoyable... and for some strange reason very, very exhausting.
We had Corn Hole, Ladder Ball, Basketball, 4-square, ultimate frisbee, regular frisbee, some card games, and sidewalk chalk. We also had a football hiding in my trunk that we never got out because we didn't want them tackling one another on asphalt... which they would have done eagerly.
But yeah... that's was a benchmark for me... leading an event, confidently, with which I was quite uncomfortable. And for some reason, after that day - my legs really hurt.
In the meantime - the Braves lost game 3 of the NLDS, and I was saddened... but at least the Falcons are 4-1. That's pretty good news. Oh, and Georgia won yesterday... that was good. And Florida lost. And Alabama lost. Both generally good things, if not so great for the SEC's hopes to be in the championship this year.
Also, over the course of the day - I listened to a lot of music. Mostly the first two albums listed above. I like music. I also like being reminded of things that are important to me. These two albums do that both directly and indirectly.
They can be tacked onto a list I made in a previous post. Of course, at the time - I described that list of things as reminding me of something that was bittersweet. And even though it's still something I don't exactly go out of my way to think of - I've decided it isn't bitter.
It just isn't as sweet as I'd like. However, it has become an unavoidable occurrence - so I decided to stop letting it bother me. But really, I think about this every day, without even really realizing at first that my mind has gone there...
So I guess it's more of a surprising and sweet thing.
Or something.
We changed topics somewhere along the line up there - my bad. You'll probably get some sweet Words of Whiz Dumb tomorrow.
And by "you all" I mean... the one or two people who actually read this. *Sigh*
10.05.2010
Slee would be nice...
My dad has a sleep disorder called "Sleep apnea," which is a highly common cause of snoring. In somewhat more severe cases, it calls for a breathing apparatus to be used while sleep to prevent the afflicted from possibly suffocating in their sleep.
Effectively, there is a piece or tissue or some such naturally occurring nonsense that block the airway during breathing. It only happens when you're sleeping, because the piece of whatever is only able to fall into this position when on one's back, and when breathing is being regulating by your unconscious. It can cause you to wake up in the middle of the night due to the fact that your body says, "Hey, you aren't breathing - fix it."
I have trouble sleeping.
There has been much hinting and suspicion on behalf of my parents that perhaps I have sleep apnea as well. Goodness knows that I snore, though obviously *I've* never heard it. I've wanted to have a sleep study done since around my sophomore or junior year of college - around which time the sleep difficulties became increasingly common and difficult.
Throughout high school - no real problems. But then, college... lot's of them.
You may recall that I posted a blog a blog at around 4:30 last week. That wasn't so bad. I was still up because I'd had a late start to the day and wasn't especially tired yet. I went to sleep around 5, and slept a normal amount of time, getting up around 1. I subsequently tried to return my sleep schedule to something bordering on normal.
I woke up at 8AM on Sunday, and was a bit tired - but functional. I didn't feel tired until around 2, another oddly long stretch of being awake.
That brings us to yesterday. Admittedly, I got my fair share, and then some, of sleep.
Here's the kicker, though, and the reason I find this worthy of devoting an entire blog post. You may have checked the time stamp on this post since it's all about waking and sleeping. It is 7:20 at this precise moment. I'm still awake from yesterday. And this time, it isn't from lack of being tired.
I went to bed a little bit after 2. Still later than I'd like - but I was actually *tired* - so I figured perhaps I'd sleep. Nope. Not even a little. I tossed and turned, tried to change my body temperature and with sweats and shirts, or just a pair of bike shorts. A blanket, no blanket. Fans, no fans. And all sorts of combinations.
I have no idea if I *have* sleep apnea. My guess is no, because usually when I'm able to fall asleep, I sleep pretty well. However, I have no doubt that I have some kind of sleep disorder. See, the common problems (as it was in those college years) is that I have an immense difficulty falling asleep some nights.
Not just a little tossing and turning, or something on my mind, or something wrong with the room, or what have you. Just a genuine inability for my body to shut down and let me rest.
It's awesome!
So yeah... it'd be really great to get a sleep study done, and then get some kind of prescription or something. Though I really hope I don't need something quite like that - I don't want a dependency of that sort...
Effectively, there is a piece or tissue or some such naturally occurring nonsense that block the airway during breathing. It only happens when you're sleeping, because the piece of whatever is only able to fall into this position when on one's back, and when breathing is being regulating by your unconscious. It can cause you to wake up in the middle of the night due to the fact that your body says, "Hey, you aren't breathing - fix it."
I have trouble sleeping.
There has been much hinting and suspicion on behalf of my parents that perhaps I have sleep apnea as well. Goodness knows that I snore, though obviously *I've* never heard it. I've wanted to have a sleep study done since around my sophomore or junior year of college - around which time the sleep difficulties became increasingly common and difficult.
Throughout high school - no real problems. But then, college... lot's of them.
You may recall that I posted a blog a blog at around 4:30 last week. That wasn't so bad. I was still up because I'd had a late start to the day and wasn't especially tired yet. I went to sleep around 5, and slept a normal amount of time, getting up around 1. I subsequently tried to return my sleep schedule to something bordering on normal.
I woke up at 8AM on Sunday, and was a bit tired - but functional. I didn't feel tired until around 2, another oddly long stretch of being awake.
That brings us to yesterday. Admittedly, I got my fair share, and then some, of sleep.
Here's the kicker, though, and the reason I find this worthy of devoting an entire blog post. You may have checked the time stamp on this post since it's all about waking and sleeping. It is 7:20 at this precise moment. I'm still awake from yesterday. And this time, it isn't from lack of being tired.
I went to bed a little bit after 2. Still later than I'd like - but I was actually *tired* - so I figured perhaps I'd sleep. Nope. Not even a little. I tossed and turned, tried to change my body temperature and with sweats and shirts, or just a pair of bike shorts. A blanket, no blanket. Fans, no fans. And all sorts of combinations.
I have no idea if I *have* sleep apnea. My guess is no, because usually when I'm able to fall asleep, I sleep pretty well. However, I have no doubt that I have some kind of sleep disorder. See, the common problems (as it was in those college years) is that I have an immense difficulty falling asleep some nights.
Not just a little tossing and turning, or something on my mind, or something wrong with the room, or what have you. Just a genuine inability for my body to shut down and let me rest.
It's awesome!
So yeah... it'd be really great to get a sleep study done, and then get some kind of prescription or something. Though I really hope I don't need something quite like that - I don't want a dependency of that sort...
10.03.2010
It's long, but it's worth the read. WWD 10/03/10
Today, my mobile music library was expanded to reflect things that I'd recently procured. This is good, because most of the things I have access to in hard copy format, I never listen to... until they get digitized.
This list of music included the new album, "Flamingo," by Brandon Flowers (of the Killers). The first taste of this album that I got was when a video was released for the track "Crossfire." I rather liked the music video and the song, but had not really processed the lyrics as I watched the video.
One particular lyric, in the context of a couple of things today, really stuck out to me. First, we shall present the context.
I woke up much earlier than I have in recent times to go to a CORE Team meeting at our youth minister's home. She asked for those with less than a year's experience on the team to arrive at 9AM - about 6 hours earlier than I'd been waking up the last several days. (Sad, I know.) So, I got there, and sucked down a bunch of wonderful coffee. During the first hour, with the newbies, Linda (the youth minister) discussed strategies for dealing with the personalities in small groups. While none of this information was particularly new to me, it was helpful to hear and have contextualized within the context of teenage ministry.
As the others arrived, we got down (more or less) to the business at hand - discussing the coming weeks. We have a night coming up wherein we are discussing the seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit. These are not officially recognized by all Christian denominations, but they are as follows:
Understanding
Wisdom
Counsel (Or Right Judgment)
Fortitude (Or Courage)
Knowledge
Piety (Or Reverence)
Fear of the Lord (Or Wonder and Awe)
Then, we were asked if any CORE would be willing to volunteer to lead the discussion on the various gifts... one person per gift. For some strange reason, I found myself volunteering. Fortitude (Courage) would be the one that stands out to me the most.
After our meeting, I came home and took a nap before I had to get ready for mass. When I arrived at the church, I helped set up chairs, a projector, and some other A/V resources. It felt like old times.
For the first time in a while, I well and truly recognized some of the scripture reading at mass that wasn't from the Gospels. It was the 2 Timothy reading. (Vs. 6-8, 13-14)
"6For this reason I remind you to rekindle the gift of God that is within you through the laying on of my hands; 7for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline. 8Do not be ashamed, then, of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel, relying on the power of God, 13Hold to the standard of sound teaching that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 14Guard the good treasure entrusted to you, with the help of the Holy Spirit living in us."
Then, Monsignor got up and gave his homily - focusing on the respect life campaign that was being especially promoted that Sunday. However, he did not merely stop at discussions of the gift of life for all - unborn children, death row inmates (that sort of thing) - but he issued a challenge. He related a story about Karol Wojtyla, who at the time was asked to speak at a great gathering of the Religious in the late 1970's by Pope Paul VI.
The piece of information that Monsignor related was when then-Cardinal Wojtyla said something to the effect of, "The Catholic church, and the church at large must become something that is counter-cultural." Effectively saying that it was required of Christians to be courageous, outspoken, and undaunted by fear or critical response.
Cardinal Wojtyla would later become Pope John Paul II (a piece of information I somehow knew despite Monsignor never mentioning it).
The challenge he issued was that we begin a revolution - no matter our other affiliations, we must revolutionize the world. Treat the less fortunate with respect, give a voice to those who cannot speak, re-evaluate the way we punish others... and so forth and so on.
I was moved.
But not for the last time that night. Linda made a point of saying that respecting life isn't merely about hot button political issues, but also about your own lives... a nice segue into an otherwise hard night.
Two men spoke. And I use that word emphatically - "Spoke." For reasons which will soon become clear.
On April 11th, 1997, Eric Krug got into a car after a night of celebrating his 21st birthday with friends. The driver was not sober. Their ride home ended with a collision into the trees on Oglethrope's campus. Eric's friend Lee died at the hospital several hours after slamming head-first into the dashboard. The driver walked away with minor injuries. Eric spent the next several months in a low intensity coma from which the doctors said he would never recover. They were wrong. In a manner of speaking. Eric's right arm was detached at the elbow during the wreck. It was re-attached, but with permanent, last damage. Eric's brain suffered a great deal of trauma. For months which turned into years, he was trapped in his own body, unable to communicate or move without a wheelchair. Now, he is able to use a walker, and communicate by being a pretty fast speller. Eric is aware and able to get around on a walker now. He was supposed to stay in his coma and waste away to nothing. He can communicate by spelling what he wants to say. It may not be quick, but it is effective. He's a big clown - full of jokes and little sarcastic comments, even about his own situation.
He dictated his story at some point, and now his mother shares his words.
The most moving part of his talk was the video they showed, wherein Eric was able, after intense physical therapy, to walk his sister (with his walker) down the aisle at her wedding.
I have never seen a happier human being in my life.
But now we must switch gears. On that joyful day, another man was watching Eric's sister walk down the aisle. Chris Sandy. Her husband.
On April 11th, 2000 (3 years to the day after Eric's accident), Chris Sandy got into a car after a night of drinking to drive to another party with his friend. On a familiar shortcut, Chris reached speeds in excess of 75 miles per hour on a 35 mile per hour road. He decided to go around a van, and slammed into a car that was turning left in his path. The car was ripped into two pieces, and both passengers were killed - one on impact, the other after several hours in the hospital. Chris spent the next year awaiting trial, struggling with the guilt of his actions. On the day of his trial, in front of the family of the victims, he was sentenced to no fewer than 10 years in prison with 20 years of probation, and was immediately taken to jail. He got out on parole after 3,117 days... roughly 8 and a half years. He'll still have to serve probation until the conclusion of a 30 year period. He lives with his guilt everyday, but uses his experiences to inform others about the dangers they face.
In conjunction with Eric, they tell a pretty strong story about the consequences of substance abuse on oneself and the people in one's life.
So now we get back to that lyric from the song "Crossfire."
"And were caught up in the crossfire
Of heaven and hall
And we're searchin' for shelter."
In the context of 2 Timothy 1:6-8, 13-14
"6For this reason I remind you to rekindle the gift of God that is within you through the laying on of my hands; 7for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline. 8Do not be ashamed, then, of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel, relying on the power of God, 13Hold to the standard of sound teaching that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 14Guard the good treasure entrusted to you, with the help of the Holy Spirit living in us."
And the context of the gifts of the Holy Spirit - especially courage.
And the context of respecting life.
And the context of Karol Wojtyla challenge to Christians to become "Counter-cultural"
And the context of men who have made, and face their mistakes like Eric and Chris.
So again:
"And were caught up in the crossfire
Of heaven and hall
And we're searchin' for shelter."
...but God did not give us a spirit of cowardice...
So... your Words of Whiz Dumb for October 3rd, 2010.
We are caught in a crossfire, but we were not made to be cowards. Let's *be* revolutionaries.
This list of music included the new album, "Flamingo," by Brandon Flowers (of the Killers). The first taste of this album that I got was when a video was released for the track "Crossfire." I rather liked the music video and the song, but had not really processed the lyrics as I watched the video.
One particular lyric, in the context of a couple of things today, really stuck out to me. First, we shall present the context.
I woke up much earlier than I have in recent times to go to a CORE Team meeting at our youth minister's home. She asked for those with less than a year's experience on the team to arrive at 9AM - about 6 hours earlier than I'd been waking up the last several days. (Sad, I know.) So, I got there, and sucked down a bunch of wonderful coffee. During the first hour, with the newbies, Linda (the youth minister) discussed strategies for dealing with the personalities in small groups. While none of this information was particularly new to me, it was helpful to hear and have contextualized within the context of teenage ministry.
As the others arrived, we got down (more or less) to the business at hand - discussing the coming weeks. We have a night coming up wherein we are discussing the seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit. These are not officially recognized by all Christian denominations, but they are as follows:
Understanding
Wisdom
Counsel (Or Right Judgment)
Fortitude (Or Courage)
Knowledge
Piety (Or Reverence)
Fear of the Lord (Or Wonder and Awe)
Then, we were asked if any CORE would be willing to volunteer to lead the discussion on the various gifts... one person per gift. For some strange reason, I found myself volunteering. Fortitude (Courage) would be the one that stands out to me the most.
After our meeting, I came home and took a nap before I had to get ready for mass. When I arrived at the church, I helped set up chairs, a projector, and some other A/V resources. It felt like old times.
For the first time in a while, I well and truly recognized some of the scripture reading at mass that wasn't from the Gospels. It was the 2 Timothy reading. (Vs. 6-8, 13-14)
"6For this reason I remind you to rekindle the gift of God that is within you through the laying on of my hands; 7for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline. 8Do not be ashamed, then, of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel, relying on the power of God, 13Hold to the standard of sound teaching that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 14Guard the good treasure entrusted to you, with the help of the Holy Spirit living in us."
Then, Monsignor got up and gave his homily - focusing on the respect life campaign that was being especially promoted that Sunday. However, he did not merely stop at discussions of the gift of life for all - unborn children, death row inmates (that sort of thing) - but he issued a challenge. He related a story about Karol Wojtyla, who at the time was asked to speak at a great gathering of the Religious in the late 1970's by Pope Paul VI.
The piece of information that Monsignor related was when then-Cardinal Wojtyla said something to the effect of, "The Catholic church, and the church at large must become something that is counter-cultural." Effectively saying that it was required of Christians to be courageous, outspoken, and undaunted by fear or critical response.
Cardinal Wojtyla would later become Pope John Paul II (a piece of information I somehow knew despite Monsignor never mentioning it).
The challenge he issued was that we begin a revolution - no matter our other affiliations, we must revolutionize the world. Treat the less fortunate with respect, give a voice to those who cannot speak, re-evaluate the way we punish others... and so forth and so on.
I was moved.
But not for the last time that night. Linda made a point of saying that respecting life isn't merely about hot button political issues, but also about your own lives... a nice segue into an otherwise hard night.
Two men spoke. And I use that word emphatically - "Spoke." For reasons which will soon become clear.
On April 11th, 1997, Eric Krug got into a car after a night of celebrating his 21st birthday with friends. The driver was not sober. Their ride home ended with a collision into the trees on Oglethrope's campus. Eric's friend Lee died at the hospital several hours after slamming head-first into the dashboard. The driver walked away with minor injuries. Eric spent the next several months in a low intensity coma from which the doctors said he would never recover. They were wrong. In a manner of speaking. Eric's right arm was detached at the elbow during the wreck. It was re-attached, but with permanent, last damage. Eric's brain suffered a great deal of trauma. For months which turned into years, he was trapped in his own body, unable to communicate or move without a wheelchair. Now, he is able to use a walker, and communicate by being a pretty fast speller. Eric is aware and able to get around on a walker now. He was supposed to stay in his coma and waste away to nothing. He can communicate by spelling what he wants to say. It may not be quick, but it is effective. He's a big clown - full of jokes and little sarcastic comments, even about his own situation.
He dictated his story at some point, and now his mother shares his words.
The most moving part of his talk was the video they showed, wherein Eric was able, after intense physical therapy, to walk his sister (with his walker) down the aisle at her wedding.
I have never seen a happier human being in my life.
But now we must switch gears. On that joyful day, another man was watching Eric's sister walk down the aisle. Chris Sandy. Her husband.
On April 11th, 2000 (3 years to the day after Eric's accident), Chris Sandy got into a car after a night of drinking to drive to another party with his friend. On a familiar shortcut, Chris reached speeds in excess of 75 miles per hour on a 35 mile per hour road. He decided to go around a van, and slammed into a car that was turning left in his path. The car was ripped into two pieces, and both passengers were killed - one on impact, the other after several hours in the hospital. Chris spent the next year awaiting trial, struggling with the guilt of his actions. On the day of his trial, in front of the family of the victims, he was sentenced to no fewer than 10 years in prison with 20 years of probation, and was immediately taken to jail. He got out on parole after 3,117 days... roughly 8 and a half years. He'll still have to serve probation until the conclusion of a 30 year period. He lives with his guilt everyday, but uses his experiences to inform others about the dangers they face.
In conjunction with Eric, they tell a pretty strong story about the consequences of substance abuse on oneself and the people in one's life.
So now we get back to that lyric from the song "Crossfire."
"And were caught up in the crossfire
Of heaven and hall
And we're searchin' for shelter."
In the context of 2 Timothy 1:6-8, 13-14
"6For this reason I remind you to rekindle the gift of God that is within you through the laying on of my hands; 7for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline. 8Do not be ashamed, then, of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel, relying on the power of God, 13Hold to the standard of sound teaching that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 14Guard the good treasure entrusted to you, with the help of the Holy Spirit living in us."
And the context of the gifts of the Holy Spirit - especially courage.
And the context of respecting life.
And the context of Karol Wojtyla challenge to Christians to become "Counter-cultural"
And the context of men who have made, and face their mistakes like Eric and Chris.
So again:
"And were caught up in the crossfire
Of heaven and hall
And we're searchin' for shelter."
...but God did not give us a spirit of cowardice...
So... your Words of Whiz Dumb for October 3rd, 2010.
We are caught in a crossfire, but we were not made to be cowards. Let's *be* revolutionaries.
10.01.2010
WWD 10/1/10
This evening... well, last night technically... I had the chance to catch up with a friend I'd not spoken with in several months.
Much to my surprise and chagrin, I found myself dominating the conversation about things I had much preferred stay from my mind. Nothing bad, just... patience-trying.
Anyway... the points of discussion (all of them, not just the particulars) have been rattling around in my head non-stop since our conversation concluded.
Hence, I am still awake at roughly 4:45 in the morning.
For the record, it is my sincere intent to have these "Words of Whiz Dumb" be largely faith or scripture-based.
Though admittedly, they will often reflect some aspect of my life.
I don't know who read this. I know of a short list of followers which I can count on two hands, with fingers to spare.
But to anyone who happens upon this silly little exercise in sorting out my life a little bit, I say simply:
Take these nuggets for what they are: A sincere, bare, and honest look into my life.
For this morning, I have no sweeping analysis or insight into scripture... just a verse and a couple of observations...
Your Words of Whiz Dumb for October 1st, 2010:
Hebrews 10:36
"For you need endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised. "
[Endurance for my purposes (and as it translated in other versions) is also about patience.]
Twofold observations:
You need patience to do the will of God.
When you do the will of God, you will be rewarded.
This summer, in a number of ways - God is teaching me to be patient.
But I'm not there yet. I've fooled myself into thinking that I am, at times. While I am learning patience in some matters - I am not applying it to the things that take real patience... which is to say - patience and endurance in the face of temptation. So... that needs to change.
Much to my surprise and chagrin, I found myself dominating the conversation about things I had much preferred stay from my mind. Nothing bad, just... patience-trying.
Anyway... the points of discussion (all of them, not just the particulars) have been rattling around in my head non-stop since our conversation concluded.
Hence, I am still awake at roughly 4:45 in the morning.
For the record, it is my sincere intent to have these "Words of Whiz Dumb" be largely faith or scripture-based.
Though admittedly, they will often reflect some aspect of my life.
I don't know who read this. I know of a short list of followers which I can count on two hands, with fingers to spare.
But to anyone who happens upon this silly little exercise in sorting out my life a little bit, I say simply:
Take these nuggets for what they are: A sincere, bare, and honest look into my life.
For this morning, I have no sweeping analysis or insight into scripture... just a verse and a couple of observations...
Your Words of Whiz Dumb for October 1st, 2010:
Hebrews 10:36
"For you need endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised. "
[Endurance for my purposes (and as it translated in other versions) is also about patience.]
Twofold observations:
You need patience to do the will of God.
When you do the will of God, you will be rewarded.
This summer, in a number of ways - God is teaching me to be patient.
But I'm not there yet. I've fooled myself into thinking that I am, at times. While I am learning patience in some matters - I am not applying it to the things that take real patience... which is to say - patience and endurance in the face of temptation. So... that needs to change.
9.29.2010
Choo-Choo!
First off, things unrelated to the title. Some of you (though I doubt many people actually read this) may have noticed that I'm updating a great deal more often I once did. This is for a few reasons.
1) Someone said I don't update that often, and I took this as a challenge (though it was in no way a challenge)
2) I complain a lot about having nothing to do - this is something to do, and gives me a chance to reflect on the things that I *am* doing during the day, thus providing a subtle attitude adjustment.
3) I genuinely enjoy typing - and this is a means toward that end.
4) When I am writing, my creativity blooms in unexpected ways. Sometimes this is evident in what I'm writing, sometimes it is evident in the things I do while writing, or immediately after I finish.
5) (This is added as an edit at like 2 in the morning) I think it would be fun to actually start including some "Words of Whiz Dumb" in this thing - not that I'm particularly wise... but you get the point. This will likely be implemented whenever I think some thought that is wise.
Random comment to kick things off: Whoever decided that super-adhesive, water-proof band-aids were perfected never tried to put one on me. I have a boo-boo on my hand, which you will learn of later in the post, that I tried to tend to, and I've had to reinforce the band-aid with medical tape, which is also slowly peeling off of my rather damp palms. I'm sorry - I can't help it!
Today, I did more physical labor in the teen room at my church. I built shelves! Not the neat IKEA kind, or the big, clunky wooden kind... but the big, awkward, metallic, shove this metal piece into that slot over there kind. When these are new - they aren't terribly difficult to assemble. When they are anything *but* new - pieces sometimes need convincing. This is usually managed by having a conversation with the inanimate object. By which I mean - hitting it.
This is fun. Until you've been doing it for over an hour. My hands are sore. I think the shelves came out the victor in the end, though. They are built, and in one piece - so therefore they came out unscathed and in tact.
I, on the other hand... well actually, that's a funny way of putting that.
On the *one* hand, I have a couple of pretty tender cuts that just genuinely throb. On the *other* hand, in the most literal sense you can imagine, I'm pretty sure I got a teeny tiny fracture in one of my fingers when a piece pinched my finger against another after it swung at a high speed under the persuasion of gravity. And also, in general - the sides of my hands and my wrists are sore from banging pieces into place - some of which did not yield when struck. Which is a lot like smacking your hand against a metallic floor that vibrates and makes loud obnoxious noises in your ear.
I was thrilled during my self-imposed breaks, however, to walk outside into the mild air and feel my skin tingle happily. Which is a nicer way of saying - I was really sweaty, so the cold air felt awesome. My guess is that you, the reader, preferred the former. Aside from maybe the word "tingle."
(Random sidebar - I liked that word before it became associated with an annoying Legend of Zelda character. Though really... I still kinda like it. Anyway, digressions!)
Now for the Choo-Choo part of things.
I was never an overwhelming fan of trains when I was a child. It wasn't one of my "things" as a kid. We had a whole bunch of model trains and stuff in our basement that may or may not have belonged to my Dad. I don't really remember the story on them - but that's because they were never really discussed and spent all of their time (in my memory) collecting dust in the basement. For all I know, they belonged to the previous owners who could not be bothered to remove them... I don't know.
In fact, the only real enjoyment I get from any stories involving trains is "The Little Engine that Could" - and I don't mean the children's book, I mean the bedtime story of Major Payne. And if you don't know what I'm talking about - you should.
Anyway.
I liked counting train cars when I was stuck at a crossing, but that was more for the sake of beating a personal best than because it was a train.
Then I began driving. Up until this past Sunday, I'd never been stuck at a train crossing as a driver (I haven't been driving long enough for this to be particularly surprising) - something which I knew I'd probably dislike when it finally happened. Turns out I was right. It may have been the rain, or the fact that I was tired and wanted to get home - but I was just annoyed.
Today, while wearing my aforementioned sweaty (though at that point just damp) shirt, I found myself pulling up to another long line of cars while a whistle blew obnoxiously in the distance (that's twice I've used the word obnoxious in this post... neat). This was an occasion where I very much wanted to get home and get changed - but to avail.
At thatmoment, a breeze passed through my open windows and I stopped looking at the train. It was not quite dusk, but the sun was getting on toward the horizon. While the railroad crossing near my house isn't idyllic and the view is obstructed by lots of trees, I was still treated to some thin, but fluffy, pink clouds drifting off toward the west. The sky was showing just a hit of darkness - a blue which is not quite sky blue, but not yet gray. The breeze made it seem like the trees were waving at me (and I had to smile when I thought of Ents... that book is on my brain). It was breath-taking, even with all the obstructions, the loud whistle, the faint sounds of a construction crew working on a new bridge, and constant rumbling of train cars.
It's not that I never noticed the sunset when I'm driving - in fact I often, if not always, do. But this was the first time I was able to just sit and appreciate it while in an uncommon place.
So for once, I truly appreciated a train.
1) Someone said I don't update that often, and I took this as a challenge (though it was in no way a challenge)
2) I complain a lot about having nothing to do - this is something to do, and gives me a chance to reflect on the things that I *am* doing during the day, thus providing a subtle attitude adjustment.
3) I genuinely enjoy typing - and this is a means toward that end.
4) When I am writing, my creativity blooms in unexpected ways. Sometimes this is evident in what I'm writing, sometimes it is evident in the things I do while writing, or immediately after I finish.
5) (This is added as an edit at like 2 in the morning) I think it would be fun to actually start including some "Words of Whiz Dumb" in this thing - not that I'm particularly wise... but you get the point. This will likely be implemented whenever I think some thought that is wise.
Random comment to kick things off: Whoever decided that super-adhesive, water-proof band-aids were perfected never tried to put one on me. I have a boo-boo on my hand, which you will learn of later in the post, that I tried to tend to, and I've had to reinforce the band-aid with medical tape, which is also slowly peeling off of my rather damp palms. I'm sorry - I can't help it!
Today, I did more physical labor in the teen room at my church. I built shelves! Not the neat IKEA kind, or the big, clunky wooden kind... but the big, awkward, metallic, shove this metal piece into that slot over there kind. When these are new - they aren't terribly difficult to assemble. When they are anything *but* new - pieces sometimes need convincing. This is usually managed by having a conversation with the inanimate object. By which I mean - hitting it.
This is fun. Until you've been doing it for over an hour. My hands are sore. I think the shelves came out the victor in the end, though. They are built, and in one piece - so therefore they came out unscathed and in tact.
I, on the other hand... well actually, that's a funny way of putting that.
On the *one* hand, I have a couple of pretty tender cuts that just genuinely throb. On the *other* hand, in the most literal sense you can imagine, I'm pretty sure I got a teeny tiny fracture in one of my fingers when a piece pinched my finger against another after it swung at a high speed under the persuasion of gravity. And also, in general - the sides of my hands and my wrists are sore from banging pieces into place - some of which did not yield when struck. Which is a lot like smacking your hand against a metallic floor that vibrates and makes loud obnoxious noises in your ear.
I was thrilled during my self-imposed breaks, however, to walk outside into the mild air and feel my skin tingle happily. Which is a nicer way of saying - I was really sweaty, so the cold air felt awesome. My guess is that you, the reader, preferred the former. Aside from maybe the word "tingle."
(Random sidebar - I liked that word before it became associated with an annoying Legend of Zelda character. Though really... I still kinda like it. Anyway, digressions!)
Now for the Choo-Choo part of things.
I was never an overwhelming fan of trains when I was a child. It wasn't one of my "things" as a kid. We had a whole bunch of model trains and stuff in our basement that may or may not have belonged to my Dad. I don't really remember the story on them - but that's because they were never really discussed and spent all of their time (in my memory) collecting dust in the basement. For all I know, they belonged to the previous owners who could not be bothered to remove them... I don't know.
In fact, the only real enjoyment I get from any stories involving trains is "The Little Engine that Could" - and I don't mean the children's book, I mean the bedtime story of Major Payne. And if you don't know what I'm talking about - you should.
Anyway.
I liked counting train cars when I was stuck at a crossing, but that was more for the sake of beating a personal best than because it was a train.
Then I began driving. Up until this past Sunday, I'd never been stuck at a train crossing as a driver (I haven't been driving long enough for this to be particularly surprising) - something which I knew I'd probably dislike when it finally happened. Turns out I was right. It may have been the rain, or the fact that I was tired and wanted to get home - but I was just annoyed.
Today, while wearing my aforementioned sweaty (though at that point just damp) shirt, I found myself pulling up to another long line of cars while a whistle blew obnoxiously in the distance (that's twice I've used the word obnoxious in this post... neat). This was an occasion where I very much wanted to get home and get changed - but to avail.
At thatmoment, a breeze passed through my open windows and I stopped looking at the train. It was not quite dusk, but the sun was getting on toward the horizon. While the railroad crossing near my house isn't idyllic and the view is obstructed by lots of trees, I was still treated to some thin, but fluffy, pink clouds drifting off toward the west. The sky was showing just a hit of darkness - a blue which is not quite sky blue, but not yet gray. The breeze made it seem like the trees were waving at me (and I had to smile when I thought of Ents... that book is on my brain). It was breath-taking, even with all the obstructions, the loud whistle, the faint sounds of a construction crew working on a new bridge, and constant rumbling of train cars.
It's not that I never noticed the sunset when I'm driving - in fact I often, if not always, do. But this was the first time I was able to just sit and appreciate it while in an uncommon place.
So for once, I truly appreciated a train.
9.28.2010
On the precipice of perfection...
Today I walked outside into what I consider perfect weather. The sun was out, but there were gray clouds lazing about, promising rainfall. The wind was blowing, the leaves were swaying and falling. The chill air felt absolutely wonderful on my lungs. The temperature was perfect, and there wasn't a feeling of humidity to be had. While I was standing there in my front yard, a drizzle began.
And I was content.
Yesterday, before the temperatures had a chance to fully drop, I was at church early to build some stools for our teen center. The youth minister tossed me her keys to go out to her car for the stools and offered me an umbrella. I declined, and was subsequently drenched.
And I was content.
If my neighborhood weren't borderline-dangerous and largely unsightly, I would be going for a walk during dusk tomorrow, rain or shine - though ideally rain.
Nothing would make me happier than to sit in the company of friends under the shelter of the last few trees trees thick with golden leaves while the rain fell all around and on us. Leaned up against the trunk, with a grin plaster on my face - I would be content.
What I'm trying to say is - I've missed the rain showers born on the Fall cold friends, bringing lower temperatures, warmer clothes, and delightful drizzles. Soon, I will sip on cider, and have things consisting of pumpkin spice and who-care's-what-else. Slowly but steadily, sandals will fade from my day-to-day wear (though not completely) into shoes and boots. Before I know it, I'll be pining for a fireplace warm with the glow of roasting logs, sipping cocoa, wrapped in a blanket. At least - that'd be the ideal... it never quite gets cold enough around here for me to need quite all that.
'Tis a shame I have few people with which to share it.
Rain.
Rain.
Rain!
And I was content.
Yesterday, before the temperatures had a chance to fully drop, I was at church early to build some stools for our teen center. The youth minister tossed me her keys to go out to her car for the stools and offered me an umbrella. I declined, and was subsequently drenched.
And I was content.
If my neighborhood weren't borderline-dangerous and largely unsightly, I would be going for a walk during dusk tomorrow, rain or shine - though ideally rain.
Nothing would make me happier than to sit in the company of friends under the shelter of the last few trees trees thick with golden leaves while the rain fell all around and on us. Leaned up against the trunk, with a grin plaster on my face - I would be content.
What I'm trying to say is - I've missed the rain showers born on the Fall cold friends, bringing lower temperatures, warmer clothes, and delightful drizzles. Soon, I will sip on cider, and have things consisting of pumpkin spice and who-care's-what-else. Slowly but steadily, sandals will fade from my day-to-day wear (though not completely) into shoes and boots. Before I know it, I'll be pining for a fireplace warm with the glow of roasting logs, sipping cocoa, wrapped in a blanket. At least - that'd be the ideal... it never quite gets cold enough around here for me to need quite all that.
'Tis a shame I have few people with which to share it.
Rain.
Rain.
Rain!
9.27.2010
My (Very) brief thoughts concerned the Two Towers and the Return of the King.
Everyone major secondary character was either a huge jerk or showed ridiculous amounts of weakness at inaccurate points of time.
Theoden - I won't help Gondor unless they really, really need it because they didn't help Rohan...
Faramir - Sam and Frodo - we're gonna take you as captives to Gondor instead of letting you go.
Eomer - ...just kind of a tool and I wanted to hit him whenever he talked.
Denethor - Look at me! I'm a 2-dimensional, unrepentant jagovv from the moment I get introduced, whether I'm blatantly scarring one of my children, or completely dismissing the council of people who are concerned with my well-being and the well-being of my city and nation. Unlike in the book, where I'm cautious and someone resistant to advice because of the nature of the times, and where I dote upon one of my kids and am someone fair to the other. All of which changes when I fear my second son to be dying and have thousands of Orcs at my door. Fear and sadness overtake me in the novels - while arrogance and idiocy doom me from the get-go in the movie!
Huzzah!
Shelob... I wish you'd been more demon-like and less spider-like. Not to the point of not looking like a spider... but you just looked like a big, pissed off spider.
When Frodo and Sam were desperately crawling up Mount Doom and a little trumpet part cut through the chaos and insanity of the soundtrack - I teared up a little. It was awesome.
The Mouth of Sauron - you weren't in the original cut of the film... I am glad you were included in the extended edition - even if you were more terrifying and creepy than I'd ever pictured you in the text.
Saruman - I'm glad you still got killed by Wormtongue - but sad that it couldn't be in the Shire... because I'm sad they never filmed that part of the story. But still... watching you fall from Orthanc many many stories onto a mill wheel below with a deliciously final thud was worth it.
Pippin - you're an idiot. I like you, but you need to stop touching things.
And finally, it was very striking to me having Frodo sitting upon the same chair in the same room at the same desk where first we see Bilbo in the Fellowship. It was a nice full-circle moment.
Anyhoo.
There's more, but I can't remember all of it, since I watched those two films yesterday. I didn't have internet yesterday and most of today. It was nice and weird.
Also, tonight I hung out with a priest. It was the first time I'd ever done that in some non-church capacity. It was pretty cool. He's a smart guy, and the company we kept is good people, too. Yes, is! Grammar, I forsake thee. Even though I just said "forsake thee."
Right.
Everyone major secondary character was either a huge jerk or showed ridiculous amounts of weakness at inaccurate points of time.
Theoden - I won't help Gondor unless they really, really need it because they didn't help Rohan...
Faramir - Sam and Frodo - we're gonna take you as captives to Gondor instead of letting you go.
Eomer - ...just kind of a tool and I wanted to hit him whenever he talked.
Denethor - Look at me! I'm a 2-dimensional, unrepentant jagovv from the moment I get introduced, whether I'm blatantly scarring one of my children, or completely dismissing the council of people who are concerned with my well-being and the well-being of my city and nation. Unlike in the book, where I'm cautious and someone resistant to advice because of the nature of the times, and where I dote upon one of my kids and am someone fair to the other. All of which changes when I fear my second son to be dying and have thousands of Orcs at my door. Fear and sadness overtake me in the novels - while arrogance and idiocy doom me from the get-go in the movie!
Huzzah!
Shelob... I wish you'd been more demon-like and less spider-like. Not to the point of not looking like a spider... but you just looked like a big, pissed off spider.
When Frodo and Sam were desperately crawling up Mount Doom and a little trumpet part cut through the chaos and insanity of the soundtrack - I teared up a little. It was awesome.
The Mouth of Sauron - you weren't in the original cut of the film... I am glad you were included in the extended edition - even if you were more terrifying and creepy than I'd ever pictured you in the text.
Saruman - I'm glad you still got killed by Wormtongue - but sad that it couldn't be in the Shire... because I'm sad they never filmed that part of the story. But still... watching you fall from Orthanc many many stories onto a mill wheel below with a deliciously final thud was worth it.
Pippin - you're an idiot. I like you, but you need to stop touching things.
And finally, it was very striking to me having Frodo sitting upon the same chair in the same room at the same desk where first we see Bilbo in the Fellowship. It was a nice full-circle moment.
Anyhoo.
There's more, but I can't remember all of it, since I watched those two films yesterday. I didn't have internet yesterday and most of today. It was nice and weird.
Also, tonight I hung out with a priest. It was the first time I'd ever done that in some non-church capacity. It was pretty cool. He's a smart guy, and the company we kept is good people, too. Yes, is! Grammar, I forsake thee. Even though I just said "forsake thee."
Right.
9.25.2010
Fellowship: Film and Book
While I won't be listing an exhaustive account of my thoughts while watching the extended edition DVD of The Fellowship of the Ring today, I will continue with some highlights.
I know it's been done, and by many a person - but I would love to one day write a paper all about the religious, political, and social themes rampant in this story... though probably more so the religious and spiritual than the others.
I digress.
Disclaimer - I do not say any of the following things to dismiss or suggest that I do not like the films. At any point where I seem overly critical, it is for the sake of humor and hyperbole. A lot of these observations come from the fact that I know have a much *greater* appreciation for the films, having read the books. I don't care that they left some things out, because it was still a 3 hr and 20 minutes (or so) film that was entertaining, engaging, and all the better understood now that I've read the source material!
Exeunt:
Oh, hey Cate Blanchett... it's a real shame I don't really like you all that much - cause you're narrating right now... instead of the unnecessarily proper, story-telling extraordinaire, British gentleman voice that I thought all the narrative in. You are strikingly different from that voice.
Backstory! At the beginning! Well... it's good for the uninitiated, but it sort of removes a lot of the mystery surrounding the beginning of things...
Oh, that's because the beginning of things is extremely rushed compared to the novel. Right. Bilbo's gone, Gandalf's back, HIT THE ROAD!, hey Pippin... and Merry - you're supposed to be at Crickholl-oh, right - we skipped the leisurely and mysterious, but still purposeful feel of Book One, we're running for our lives from an enemy that we weren't supposed to see for a while and have already made it to Bree!
No Tom Bombadil, no fatty Bolger, no friendly farmer, no Barrow-downs, and heck! let's remove the last bit of suspense from the chase to the Ford by establishing before Bree that the Nazgul don't like water! Thanks for that! Oh, and we get to see everything going on with Gandalf.
(Editor's Note: for me this was a mixed bag - seeing things play out chronologically was nice, but so was having it recounted by a angry and wounded old Wizard in Rivendell and at the Council of Elrond as it was in the book.)
Yay - Butterbur... oh, you didn't formally introduce yourself... sad. Who's that mysterious guy - Pippin, what the hell are you doing! Oh crap, he tripped. Oooh, everything's all gray and stuff. Hi Strider, nice to meet- WE HAVE TO RUN AGAIN!
Shoot.
That's a lot of mosquitoes, hello Weathertop, hello FIRE! Drat, Frodo didn't even get to slice the Wrightwraith, he just pansy-d out and got stabbed. And is dying immediately. No toughing it out. Sad, doesn't set him up to be a very strong fella. Hello trolls. Hello... Arwen? Well that's disappointing. I liked Glorfindel. He was a BA. Oh, we're running again.
"Don't worry, if we make it to the river, the power of the Elves will help us."
Facepalm. Way to let the tension build during that chase *until the water shows up* - Oop, there they go.
Wakey wakey, eggs and- Oh, Hey Gandalf!
Oh, Boromir comes across as much less amicable in the film. There's another disappointment.
(Editor's note at this juncture - while for the most part I am going about this like I've never seen the films - I have. This is a crucial point in that because the first time I saw this film, I never once felt a good vibe from Boromir. 'Twas a poor job of developing him as a loyal, albeit torn character - he always felt duplicitous to me, so the breakdown at Rauros came as no surprise to me when I saw it, and I was just confused when he started crying after the Ring got far enough from him that he snapped out of it...)
"I will take it." Chills.
HOLY CRAP BILBO LOOKS TERRIFY-oh, good it's over.
"Mordor, Gandalf - which way?"
"Left"
Very loud laughter.
Marching, Marching, Marching...
Oh look, more extra-literary activity at Isengard. Hi, Christopher Lee!
Avalanches and no wolves... makes Bill's departure (despite having no formal introduction, anyway) less sad. Which was okay with me.
TENTACLES OF THE DEEP!
Moria.
Gollum, there you are, you creepy little bugger!
*Metal voice-over* "Alright, guys, it's the first point in the story where people get the junk killed out of them - let's make it a lot, lot longer than it was in the book."
No complaints, it was awesome.
Hey, thanks for the flashback earlier showing an illustration of the Balrog, it makes his introduction and subsequent chase a lot less dramatic than having his first appearance for the characters be his first appearance for us. But kudos on making him super-imposing and pants-wettingly scary looking.
"You shall not pass."
Neither shall you.
I really like this first scene outside of Moria. Lots of emotion, and the necessarily push to carry on. This was moving.
Lorien... aw, not near enough banter from Gimli. Or blindfolds. Sad. Celeborn is kinda coming across as a jerk. Oh... hey again Cate Blanchett.
Aw, Sam didn't get a box of soil... this doesn't bode well for my hope that the reclamation and restoration of the Shire is in the extended edition of the Return of the King.
Orcses! Nasty Orcses!
Aw, the scene where Boromir loses his composure and resolve. It makes a lot more sense now having read the books and getting that third person omniscient look into his character. Poor, tragic guy. HOLY CRAP LOOK AT HIM KILL SOME HOMIES.
Arrowed. Arrowed. Arrowed. Ow.
Hey Aragor-ouch, that guy just lost his head. And he got decapitated, too.
Farewell, Boromir - I liked that in the book you had several Orc blades at your feet, but you look pretty cool in the boat here, too.
Okay, so perhaps there was more in there than my initial estimates when I started typing. I got carried away. But I left some stuff out, I promise.
I know it's been done, and by many a person - but I would love to one day write a paper all about the religious, political, and social themes rampant in this story... though probably more so the religious and spiritual than the others.
I digress.
Disclaimer - I do not say any of the following things to dismiss or suggest that I do not like the films. At any point where I seem overly critical, it is for the sake of humor and hyperbole. A lot of these observations come from the fact that I know have a much *greater* appreciation for the films, having read the books. I don't care that they left some things out, because it was still a 3 hr and 20 minutes (or so) film that was entertaining, engaging, and all the better understood now that I've read the source material!
Exeunt:
Oh, hey Cate Blanchett... it's a real shame I don't really like you all that much - cause you're narrating right now... instead of the unnecessarily proper, story-telling extraordinaire, British gentleman voice that I thought all the narrative in. You are strikingly different from that voice.
Backstory! At the beginning! Well... it's good for the uninitiated, but it sort of removes a lot of the mystery surrounding the beginning of things...
Oh, that's because the beginning of things is extremely rushed compared to the novel. Right. Bilbo's gone, Gandalf's back, HIT THE ROAD!, hey Pippin... and Merry - you're supposed to be at Crickholl-oh, right - we skipped the leisurely and mysterious, but still purposeful feel of Book One, we're running for our lives from an enemy that we weren't supposed to see for a while and have already made it to Bree!
No Tom Bombadil, no fatty Bolger, no friendly farmer, no Barrow-downs, and heck! let's remove the last bit of suspense from the chase to the Ford by establishing before Bree that the Nazgul don't like water! Thanks for that! Oh, and we get to see everything going on with Gandalf.
(Editor's Note: for me this was a mixed bag - seeing things play out chronologically was nice, but so was having it recounted by a angry and wounded old Wizard in Rivendell and at the Council of Elrond as it was in the book.)
Yay - Butterbur... oh, you didn't formally introduce yourself... sad. Who's that mysterious guy - Pippin, what the hell are you doing! Oh crap, he tripped. Oooh, everything's all gray and stuff. Hi Strider, nice to meet- WE HAVE TO RUN AGAIN!
Shoot.
That's a lot of mosquitoes, hello Weathertop, hello FIRE! Drat, Frodo didn't even get to slice the Wrightwraith, he just pansy-d out and got stabbed. And is dying immediately. No toughing it out. Sad, doesn't set him up to be a very strong fella. Hello trolls. Hello... Arwen? Well that's disappointing. I liked Glorfindel. He was a BA. Oh, we're running again.
"Don't worry, if we make it to the river, the power of the Elves will help us."
Facepalm. Way to let the tension build during that chase *until the water shows up* - Oop, there they go.
Wakey wakey, eggs and- Oh, Hey Gandalf!
Oh, Boromir comes across as much less amicable in the film. There's another disappointment.
(Editor's note at this juncture - while for the most part I am going about this like I've never seen the films - I have. This is a crucial point in that because the first time I saw this film, I never once felt a good vibe from Boromir. 'Twas a poor job of developing him as a loyal, albeit torn character - he always felt duplicitous to me, so the breakdown at Rauros came as no surprise to me when I saw it, and I was just confused when he started crying after the Ring got far enough from him that he snapped out of it...)
"I will take it." Chills.
HOLY CRAP BILBO LOOKS TERRIFY-oh, good it's over.
"Mordor, Gandalf - which way?"
"Left"
Very loud laughter.
Marching, Marching, Marching...
Oh look, more extra-literary activity at Isengard. Hi, Christopher Lee!
Avalanches and no wolves... makes Bill's departure (despite having no formal introduction, anyway) less sad. Which was okay with me.
TENTACLES OF THE DEEP!
Moria.
Gollum, there you are, you creepy little bugger!
*Metal voice-over* "Alright, guys, it's the first point in the story where people get the junk killed out of them - let's make it a lot, lot longer than it was in the book."
No complaints, it was awesome.
Hey, thanks for the flashback earlier showing an illustration of the Balrog, it makes his introduction and subsequent chase a lot less dramatic than having his first appearance for the characters be his first appearance for us. But kudos on making him super-imposing and pants-wettingly scary looking.
"You shall not pass."
Neither shall you.
I really like this first scene outside of Moria. Lots of emotion, and the necessarily push to carry on. This was moving.
Lorien... aw, not near enough banter from Gimli. Or blindfolds. Sad. Celeborn is kinda coming across as a jerk. Oh... hey again Cate Blanchett.
Aw, Sam didn't get a box of soil... this doesn't bode well for my hope that the reclamation and restoration of the Shire is in the extended edition of the Return of the King.
Orcses! Nasty Orcses!
Aw, the scene where Boromir loses his composure and resolve. It makes a lot more sense now having read the books and getting that third person omniscient look into his character. Poor, tragic guy. HOLY CRAP LOOK AT HIM KILL SOME HOMIES.
Arrowed. Arrowed. Arrowed. Ow.
Hey Aragor-ouch, that guy just lost his head. And he got decapitated, too.
Farewell, Boromir - I liked that in the book you had several Orc blades at your feet, but you look pretty cool in the boat here, too.
Okay, so perhaps there was more in there than my initial estimates when I started typing. I got carried away. But I left some stuff out, I promise.
9.23.2010
In the past few days, my bum ankle has been hurting more than normal.
Today, I drove around in my car with the windows down - not because I have no A/C - but because it felt wonderful outside.
Our lawn is starting to collect leaves.
There are fewer mosquitoes chomping on my legs when I take the dogs out.
This is my round-about way of acknowledging that Fall has officially begun. I'm not the first to do it - in fact, my facebook feed and a couple blogs that I follow have been lit up with joy and expectation about the change.
I, too, am excited. This is probably my favorite time of year. You can tell by how excited I sound. I don't sound excited at all - but I am, trust me.
In other news - I finished the Lord of the Rings. There are many parts of the Return of the King that stuck out to me. For one - I enjoyed *reading* the end of the Ring itself much more than I did seeing it. Also - the whole reclamation of the Shire is amazing, and I am sad that it was not in the theatrical release of the film (If indeed, it wasn't - my memory of the third film is slim). I don't yet know if it is a part of the extended version - but I have hopes.
Side note - Saruman is a jerk.
I also got a little bit choked up when I read the last line of the story.
"He drew a deep breath. 'Well, I'm back,' he said."
That you are, Samwise, that you are. I like it for many reasons - Bilbo's own titling of his adventure "There and Back Again," quite a new a beginning for Sam, and how simply he states after all he's been through. I felt it was quite fitting.
Also, this description by Gandalf of what Sauron would become should Frodo succeed, "If it is destroyed, then he will fall; and his fall will be so low that none can foresee his arising ever again. For he will lose the best part of the strength that was native to him in his beginning, and all that was made or begun with that power will crumble, and he will be maimed for ever, becoming a mere spirit of malice that gnaws itself in the shadows, but cannot again grow or take shape..."
Also, I am getting a haircut tomorrow. By someone who gets paid to give haircuts. This is highly momentous - because I have not had my hair cut by such a person in about 4 years. I hope I look snazzy afterward.
Today, I drove around in my car with the windows down - not because I have no A/C - but because it felt wonderful outside.
Our lawn is starting to collect leaves.
There are fewer mosquitoes chomping on my legs when I take the dogs out.
This is my round-about way of acknowledging that Fall has officially begun. I'm not the first to do it - in fact, my facebook feed and a couple blogs that I follow have been lit up with joy and expectation about the change.
I, too, am excited. This is probably my favorite time of year. You can tell by how excited I sound. I don't sound excited at all - but I am, trust me.
In other news - I finished the Lord of the Rings. There are many parts of the Return of the King that stuck out to me. For one - I enjoyed *reading* the end of the Ring itself much more than I did seeing it. Also - the whole reclamation of the Shire is amazing, and I am sad that it was not in the theatrical release of the film (If indeed, it wasn't - my memory of the third film is slim). I don't yet know if it is a part of the extended version - but I have hopes.
Side note - Saruman is a jerk.
I also got a little bit choked up when I read the last line of the story.
"He drew a deep breath. 'Well, I'm back,' he said."
That you are, Samwise, that you are. I like it for many reasons - Bilbo's own titling of his adventure "There and Back Again," quite a new a beginning for Sam, and how simply he states after all he's been through. I felt it was quite fitting.
Also, this description by Gandalf of what Sauron would become should Frodo succeed, "If it is destroyed, then he will fall; and his fall will be so low that none can foresee his arising ever again. For he will lose the best part of the strength that was native to him in his beginning, and all that was made or begun with that power will crumble, and he will be maimed for ever, becoming a mere spirit of malice that gnaws itself in the shadows, but cannot again grow or take shape..."
Also, I am getting a haircut tomorrow. By someone who gets paid to give haircuts. This is highly momentous - because I have not had my hair cut by such a person in about 4 years. I hope I look snazzy afterward.
9.21.2010
Association
Folding laundry
Driving my car
An oft repeated quote from "Metroid: Other M"
The opening and closing moments of the season premiere of "How I met your Mother"
The Lord of the Rings
A vanilla scented candle
A bag full of decorations
Insects of a sufficient size
Adoration
The job hunt
Coffee
A pair of shoes
A much-needed haircut
Exercise
Stouts
Vodka
Sleepless Nights
Brief moments from the season premiere of "Chuck"
And assorted other things that don't readily spring to mind.
This was not an exercise in word association, but rather a list of associated words. There's a difference, I promise. I've found in life that there are some associations you'd rather your brain not automatically make for you. This can be for any number of reasons - they lead to temptation, they remind of times that cannot be relived, they are bittersweet, they are distracting, they are inappropriate.
For me, this list of items is a bittersweet set. I don't completely dislike the association - but my life would be considerably less frustrating if I could shut off the association. Such is life, I suppose - but it doesn't change the fact that sometimes my mind is my own worst enemy. Silly brain.
Silly, silly, brain.
Driving my car
An oft repeated quote from "Metroid: Other M"
The opening and closing moments of the season premiere of "How I met your Mother"
The Lord of the Rings
A vanilla scented candle
A bag full of decorations
Insects of a sufficient size
Adoration
The job hunt
Coffee
A pair of shoes
A much-needed haircut
Exercise
Stouts
Vodka
Sleepless Nights
Brief moments from the season premiere of "Chuck"
And assorted other things that don't readily spring to mind.
This was not an exercise in word association, but rather a list of associated words. There's a difference, I promise. I've found in life that there are some associations you'd rather your brain not automatically make for you. This can be for any number of reasons - they lead to temptation, they remind of times that cannot be relived, they are bittersweet, they are distracting, they are inappropriate.
For me, this list of items is a bittersweet set. I don't completely dislike the association - but my life would be considerably less frustrating if I could shut off the association. Such is life, I suppose - but it doesn't change the fact that sometimes my mind is my own worst enemy. Silly brain.
Silly, silly, brain.
9.19.2010
The Two Towers Highlight
Rather than an observation of an event in the novel, as with The Fellowship of the Ring - I would like merely to record my favorite exchange from The Two Towers.
It is on the precipice of ill events, just as Gandalf's tumble in the previous part... while Sam and Frodo dine upon what they expect will be a final substantive meal, after climbing the stairs of Cirith Ungol...
"I don't like anything here at all," said Frodo, "step or stone, breath or bone. Earth, air and water all seem accursed. But so our path is laid."
"Yes, that's so," said Sam. "And we shouldn't be here at all, if we'd known more about it before we started. But I suppose if's often that way. The brave things in the old tales and songs, Mr. Frodo: adventures, as I used to call them. I used to think that they were things the wonderful folk of the stories went out and looked for, because they wanted them, because they were exciting and life was a bit dull, a kind of a sport, as you might say. But that's not the way of it with the tales that really mattered, of the ones that stay in the mind. Folk seem to have been just landed in them, usually - their paths were laid that way, as you put it. But I expect they had lots of chances, like us, of turning back, only they didn't. And if they had, we shouldn't know, because they'd have been forgotten. We hear about those as just went on - and not all to a good end, mind you; at least not to what folk inside a story and not outside it call a good end. You know, coming home, and finding things all right, though not quite the same - like old Mr. Bilbo. But those aren't always the best tales to hear, though they may be the best tales to get landed in! I wonder what sort of a tale we've fallen into?"
"I wonder," said Frodo. "But I don't know. And that's the way of a real tale. Take any one that you're fond of. You may know, or guess, what kind of tale it is, happy-ending or sad-ending, but the people in it don't know. And you don't want them to."
Not only is this a clever wink to the audience of the story (both those who know how it turns out and those who don't), but I think it's a simultaneously humbling and uplifting summary of things. I don't really know where I'm headed, but perhaps it's okay that I don't. I may not like the adventure that I'm in the middle of, but it will never be told if I don't see it through. This section, in its own round-about way, has put much in perspective for me.
I just wanted to put that down.
Now for the Return of the King.
It is on the precipice of ill events, just as Gandalf's tumble in the previous part... while Sam and Frodo dine upon what they expect will be a final substantive meal, after climbing the stairs of Cirith Ungol...
"I don't like anything here at all," said Frodo, "step or stone, breath or bone. Earth, air and water all seem accursed. But so our path is laid."
"Yes, that's so," said Sam. "And we shouldn't be here at all, if we'd known more about it before we started. But I suppose if's often that way. The brave things in the old tales and songs, Mr. Frodo: adventures, as I used to call them. I used to think that they were things the wonderful folk of the stories went out and looked for, because they wanted them, because they were exciting and life was a bit dull, a kind of a sport, as you might say. But that's not the way of it with the tales that really mattered, of the ones that stay in the mind. Folk seem to have been just landed in them, usually - their paths were laid that way, as you put it. But I expect they had lots of chances, like us, of turning back, only they didn't. And if they had, we shouldn't know, because they'd have been forgotten. We hear about those as just went on - and not all to a good end, mind you; at least not to what folk inside a story and not outside it call a good end. You know, coming home, and finding things all right, though not quite the same - like old Mr. Bilbo. But those aren't always the best tales to hear, though they may be the best tales to get landed in! I wonder what sort of a tale we've fallen into?"
"I wonder," said Frodo. "But I don't know. And that's the way of a real tale. Take any one that you're fond of. You may know, or guess, what kind of tale it is, happy-ending or sad-ending, but the people in it don't know. And you don't want them to."
Not only is this a clever wink to the audience of the story (both those who know how it turns out and those who don't), but I think it's a simultaneously humbling and uplifting summary of things. I don't really know where I'm headed, but perhaps it's okay that I don't. I may not like the adventure that I'm in the middle of, but it will never be told if I don't see it through. This section, in its own round-about way, has put much in perspective for me.
I just wanted to put that down.
Now for the Return of the King.
9.15.2010
Random thought...
While there have been many parts that I have enjoyed putting my own images to thus far in my reading, I'd have to say that the battle at Khazad-Dum has been my favorite. Not merely for the chance to make the Balrog more nebulous and ethereal (two qualities which I find much more terrifying than a clear picture) - but also for the moments leading up to Gandalf's stand on the bridge itself. As the Company flees the chamber of Mazarbul, Gandalf stays behind to slow the pursuing orcs. Shortly after the group reaches the level below, Gandalf rejoins them and says something along the lines of "I've done what I can - let's move out."
For whatever reason, despite the dire situation, this part came across, to me, as a tiny bit of physical comedy. Gandalf casts a spell to ward off a small army (later revealed to have been a more arduous task than it seemed), is knocked on his butt, rolls down a flight of stairs to his 8 comrades. I picture their jaws loose, concerned that their friend has bit the big one, at which point he gets to his feet, and says (in my mind) nonchalantly, "Right then, carry on." - purposely leaving out specific details as to what it is he's done.
Anyhoo... back to reading.
For whatever reason, despite the dire situation, this part came across, to me, as a tiny bit of physical comedy. Gandalf casts a spell to ward off a small army (later revealed to have been a more arduous task than it seemed), is knocked on his butt, rolls down a flight of stairs to his 8 comrades. I picture their jaws loose, concerned that their friend has bit the big one, at which point he gets to his feet, and says (in my mind) nonchalantly, "Right then, carry on." - purposely leaving out specific details as to what it is he's done.
Anyhoo... back to reading.
9.09.2010
A week in a nutshell (oh no, it's trapped in a nutshell!)
What's that? Why yes, yes I am posting more often than probably ever before. Chalk it up to unemployment - you get to hear more Words of Whiz Dumb. Hooray!
An average week in the life of Jason Gambon:
Sunday: sleep in, watch sports, go to church, hang out with and minister to teenagers.
Monday: oh no, it's Monday... check status of application, claw out hair, eat a cookie, watch sports
Tuesday: not too much to report, watch Braves game, mess around online, think thoughts - sometimes DEEP ONES! Or Depp ones. Like hands made of scissors or pirates or... where was I?
Wednesday: (get over the) hump day for most - but not for me! It's one of the days where I *do* things! Off to church in the evening for youth group stuff and "leading" confirmation classes. Sometimes adoration with the teens, which is always awesome. Sometimes adoration on my own - good, too. Usually a late night for me. I've found that Wednesday nights are when I do most of my examining and critical thinking. Perhaps a hold over from last minute prep for Thursdays as an intern - but I don't think so.
Thursday: check on applications again, weep bitterly in a dark corner (kidding), try to avoid facebook as much as possible between about 2 and 10 PM, watch sports. Thursdays are bittersweet. They make me happy for a large group of people, but also make me miss said group of people.
Friday: lots of nothing, perhaps some sports-watching
Saturday: sports-watching and internet surfing for things to inspire writing and creativity
Sunday: repeat!
It's certainly not all the things I do - but the minutiae aren't that fun to describe. Like, for example - I take breaths, chew food, play video games, walk dogs, and I think you get the picture. Though I am partial to taking breaths.
I promise I'm not obsessing over this whole "no job" thing - I actually find a source for humor. Hence the (hopefully) humorous tinge of the last few blog posts.
Anyhoo, for now - I'm off! Largely in the head!
An average week in the life of Jason Gambon:
Sunday: sleep in, watch sports, go to church, hang out with and minister to teenagers.
Monday: oh no, it's Monday... check status of application, claw out hair, eat a cookie, watch sports
Tuesday: not too much to report, watch Braves game, mess around online, think thoughts - sometimes DEEP ONES! Or Depp ones. Like hands made of scissors or pirates or... where was I?
Wednesday: (get over the) hump day for most - but not for me! It's one of the days where I *do* things! Off to church in the evening for youth group stuff and "leading" confirmation classes. Sometimes adoration with the teens, which is always awesome. Sometimes adoration on my own - good, too. Usually a late night for me. I've found that Wednesday nights are when I do most of my examining and critical thinking. Perhaps a hold over from last minute prep for Thursdays as an intern - but I don't think so.
Thursday: check on applications again, weep bitterly in a dark corner (kidding), try to avoid facebook as much as possible between about 2 and 10 PM, watch sports. Thursdays are bittersweet. They make me happy for a large group of people, but also make me miss said group of people.
Friday: lots of nothing, perhaps some sports-watching
Saturday: sports-watching and internet surfing for things to inspire writing and creativity
Sunday: repeat!
It's certainly not all the things I do - but the minutiae aren't that fun to describe. Like, for example - I take breaths, chew food, play video games, walk dogs, and I think you get the picture. Though I am partial to taking breaths.
I promise I'm not obsessing over this whole "no job" thing - I actually find a source for humor. Hence the (hopefully) humorous tinge of the last few blog posts.
Anyhoo, for now - I'm off! Largely in the head!
Observation
The observation itself will come later. Just a seed of something I'd like to expound upon at another time. When I'm not describing my day-to-day life, I've found that this blog is more of a place (one of many) where I mark down ideas.
But now - the day-to-day. I found out yesterday that a church roughly 10 minutes from my house does perpetual adoration. This brought me no end of excitement and anticipation.
I spent 7 hours at my church yesterday doing all sort of awesome things. This volunteer opportunity with the youth at my church is already more rewarding than I anticipated. And I haven't even gotten to know many of the teens yet (though I'm sure that is coming :) ). So anyway, while I was there yesterday - I packed up and moved boxes, I replaced fluorescent lights, I removed wall floor molding, I pulled nails out of a concrete wall, filled the resulting holes with pump-able concrete, moved and played tetris with lots of big and heavy furniture, put together a very tall and very heavy table, emptied a storage closet of its contents, and removed shelving from the walls in said closet. It was fun. Which might seem weird to some - but I don't mind manual labor when it isn't repetitive.
Tonight, on a night when the youth group actually meets regularly, I stood in a room with about 100 tenth graders. I was every-so-slightly overwhelmed. They are candidates for Confirmation - a Catholic sacrament that essentially marks a person's entrance into spiritual adulthood (but don't quote me on that). It's a pretty big deal.
Tomorrow, I intend to do more manual labor. Sure, I'd still like a job - but having something to keep me busy is nice, too.
Now, for that observation. I have discovered, both through my own experiences and careful observation, that the vast majority of human beings have trouble with rites of passage. Whether this is due to apathy, fear, a lack of perseverance, or some other factor is different for different people. I have more to say on this sometime - describing my own struggles, for example.
For now, though, I am off (both in the head, and away from the internet). I think tomorrow I shall have a delicious lunch, go to adoration for a while, then head over to church to paint and do other fun things. Hooray!
But now - the day-to-day. I found out yesterday that a church roughly 10 minutes from my house does perpetual adoration. This brought me no end of excitement and anticipation.
I spent 7 hours at my church yesterday doing all sort of awesome things. This volunteer opportunity with the youth at my church is already more rewarding than I anticipated. And I haven't even gotten to know many of the teens yet (though I'm sure that is coming :) ). So anyway, while I was there yesterday - I packed up and moved boxes, I replaced fluorescent lights, I removed wall floor molding, I pulled nails out of a concrete wall, filled the resulting holes with pump-able concrete, moved and played tetris with lots of big and heavy furniture, put together a very tall and very heavy table, emptied a storage closet of its contents, and removed shelving from the walls in said closet. It was fun. Which might seem weird to some - but I don't mind manual labor when it isn't repetitive.
Tonight, on a night when the youth group actually meets regularly, I stood in a room with about 100 tenth graders. I was every-so-slightly overwhelmed. They are candidates for Confirmation - a Catholic sacrament that essentially marks a person's entrance into spiritual adulthood (but don't quote me on that). It's a pretty big deal.
Tomorrow, I intend to do more manual labor. Sure, I'd still like a job - but having something to keep me busy is nice, too.
Now, for that observation. I have discovered, both through my own experiences and careful observation, that the vast majority of human beings have trouble with rites of passage. Whether this is due to apathy, fear, a lack of perseverance, or some other factor is different for different people. I have more to say on this sometime - describing my own struggles, for example.
For now, though, I am off (both in the head, and away from the internet). I think tomorrow I shall have a delicious lunch, go to adoration for a while, then head over to church to paint and do other fun things. Hooray!
9.06.2010
Recently
Summer wedding count: 1-1-1-1
There were four weddings going on this summer that I expected to be at. All four of them played out in different ways, in declining order of the magnitude of my role. I was a member of the wedding party in the first. I was invited to and attended the second. I was invited to and unable to attend the third. I wasn't invited to the fourth.
This last, albeit disappointing, wasn't that surprising.
In other news - I wish I'd read the Lord of the Rings sooner. I'm finding it extremely enjoyable for a number of reasons. First off - I do voices for characters in my head... I always have, but this is a skill which has been refined in recent years. Secondly - though sometimes tiresome, I really enjoy the poetry and songs including in the narrative. Thirdly - there are some absolutely brilliant and subtle lines in there. Fourthly - the bits and pieces that I've missed out on due to only being familiar with film versions.
Mind you, I'm not very far at all. Nearing the end of book one of the Fellowship. They've just set out from Bree with Strider - but even if that short span, I've found it extremely enjoyable.
In just over a month - I will have the penultimate installment of the Wheel of Time in my hands, which I will likely devour quickly. Then, have a year's wait to relish its closing.
Lately, when I've typed, I've found that I use a greater number of big words... and I can't place exactly why. Probably because I'm reading regularly again. My vocabulary has never been small, but it has been better utilized when I'm in the middle of a good book. The problem has been that I've made little time to read books of any substance in the past year or so. Aside from, I believe, the previous installment of the Wheel of Time, and now - the Lord of the Rings.
I feel as though I had a more distinct reason for signing onto the ole blog and sharing my thoughts - but it now eludes me.
I had the pleasure of visiting Athens last week for a CCF event and a friend's baptism. It was a bit surreal and bittersweet - but a blast, overall. I have little reason to place the weight of this on any one particular origin - but the place felt brighter and happier. Some would suggest a clear and obvious reason for this - but I would disagree with them. Their reason may well be a part of it, but it is not the main contributor. Regrettably - I chose to come on a night with a guest speaker. A man for whom I have little respect, despite, I'm sure, the best intentions. But this particular displeasure was muted by seeing my friends and former students leading worship, running sound, running powerpoint, speaking at the front of the room, starring in announcement videos, going about their leadership roles, and just generally functioning as a close-knit family. I was awed at the magnetism and positivity of the new interns. I was impressed with the new leaders. I cried tears of joy when my friend was baptized. And all this was but the beginning of my time there.
That night, I basked in the hospitality of three of the men at CCF with whom I was closer than some. There was good conversation, good card games, and (ultimately) a great meal.
Throughout my time there I had the opportunity to catch up with lots of people - and though I may not have had much in the way of exciting news, I ate up every bit that they had to share. I learned about fantastic pranks, adventures in foreign lands, adventures in local lands, summer jobs, budding romances, passionate hearts, and so much more.
It was good.
In general news - still job-hunting, and surprisingly full of doubt and uncertainty about numerous other things, but also paradoxically confident. Maybe that's the prayers.
There were four weddings going on this summer that I expected to be at. All four of them played out in different ways, in declining order of the magnitude of my role. I was a member of the wedding party in the first. I was invited to and attended the second. I was invited to and unable to attend the third. I wasn't invited to the fourth.
This last, albeit disappointing, wasn't that surprising.
In other news - I wish I'd read the Lord of the Rings sooner. I'm finding it extremely enjoyable for a number of reasons. First off - I do voices for characters in my head... I always have, but this is a skill which has been refined in recent years. Secondly - though sometimes tiresome, I really enjoy the poetry and songs including in the narrative. Thirdly - there are some absolutely brilliant and subtle lines in there. Fourthly - the bits and pieces that I've missed out on due to only being familiar with film versions.
Mind you, I'm not very far at all. Nearing the end of book one of the Fellowship. They've just set out from Bree with Strider - but even if that short span, I've found it extremely enjoyable.
In just over a month - I will have the penultimate installment of the Wheel of Time in my hands, which I will likely devour quickly. Then, have a year's wait to relish its closing.
Lately, when I've typed, I've found that I use a greater number of big words... and I can't place exactly why. Probably because I'm reading regularly again. My vocabulary has never been small, but it has been better utilized when I'm in the middle of a good book. The problem has been that I've made little time to read books of any substance in the past year or so. Aside from, I believe, the previous installment of the Wheel of Time, and now - the Lord of the Rings.
I feel as though I had a more distinct reason for signing onto the ole blog and sharing my thoughts - but it now eludes me.
I had the pleasure of visiting Athens last week for a CCF event and a friend's baptism. It was a bit surreal and bittersweet - but a blast, overall. I have little reason to place the weight of this on any one particular origin - but the place felt brighter and happier. Some would suggest a clear and obvious reason for this - but I would disagree with them. Their reason may well be a part of it, but it is not the main contributor. Regrettably - I chose to come on a night with a guest speaker. A man for whom I have little respect, despite, I'm sure, the best intentions. But this particular displeasure was muted by seeing my friends and former students leading worship, running sound, running powerpoint, speaking at the front of the room, starring in announcement videos, going about their leadership roles, and just generally functioning as a close-knit family. I was awed at the magnetism and positivity of the new interns. I was impressed with the new leaders. I cried tears of joy when my friend was baptized. And all this was but the beginning of my time there.
That night, I basked in the hospitality of three of the men at CCF with whom I was closer than some. There was good conversation, good card games, and (ultimately) a great meal.
Throughout my time there I had the opportunity to catch up with lots of people - and though I may not have had much in the way of exciting news, I ate up every bit that they had to share. I learned about fantastic pranks, adventures in foreign lands, adventures in local lands, summer jobs, budding romances, passionate hearts, and so much more.
It was good.
In general news - still job-hunting, and surprisingly full of doubt and uncertainty about numerous other things, but also paradoxically confident. Maybe that's the prayers.
8.29.2010
Conspicuous Absence
The last couple weeks have been unusual for me. After roughly 3 years as a student and 10 months as an intern at CCF, the year at UGA was underway without me. And without a hitch (so far as I know). This is equal parts and exciting and sobering for me. See, it suddenly became all to real to me waking up on the 15th of August, realizing that Fat Mondays was happening at that exact moment and I wasn't there. Then on the 17th, a Wednesday. A Well without me... or more correctly - Me without a Well. A time when I would normally have been pouring over prayer requests and checking current events to see what to focus on that night. Then the 18th, Thursday. Dinner and a Message. Powerpoints, creativity, last minute changes, decisions, and stress. All of these events and activities conspicuously absent from my life.
Next, though it may seem selfish and juvenile to point it out - a conspicuous absence of companionship. That's only partially realized because of life without CCF. I miss those folks, don't get me wrong. But I knew going into the internship that I'd feel a need to distance myself for a time after my internship. With their absence is felt, it is bearable. The conspicuous absences where companionship is concerned came from one unexpected source, one unavoidable source, and two disappointing sources. First the two disappointing sources - my 2 closest friends in Georgia. One of them just moved in with a friend, effectively doubling the distance between us. And, I might add, he is quite content spending the majority of his time with the person he now lives with. The other closest GA friend... well, I realized the other day that I'm not really a part of his inner-circle. This is disappointing, certainly, but not terribly surprising. He and I are close, and have things in common - but ours has never been a terribly emotionally invested friendship. However, I've not spent near as much time with either of them lately as I once did. And I have talked to each of them a grand total of perhaps 30 minutes in the past 2 weeks. Their absence is conspicuous.
Next, the unavoidable source. My life-long friend, whose marriage I wrote about in an older post, lives very far away. He has lived very far away for around 10 years, so this isn't really new. But in the past, he had family that lived in my neighborhood. Now they have passed away (RIP) or moved away themselves. Now that my friend is in the military, he goes where he is stationed... which is currently Virginia Beach. Not exactly close to Atlanta. Again, this is not terribly different from the past couple of years, but I've realized that I want to get to know him better... because after 10 years - we still have an unbreakable bond as friends, but we have both grown into very different men than the boys we once knew and regularly saw. He is conspicuously absent.
Then, the surprising source. A source which I am wary to mention for reasons that will hopefully (if still a little cryptically) become clear. I made a new friend earlier this summer. A person whom I perhaps considered more than a mere friend. A friendship which, for reasons simultaneously understandable, shared, and frustrating, has taken steps back. Just over two weeks ago, right before UGA started back up and I started to take note of all the things that are absent - this person had to take a break from some parts of their life. I was included on that list. When they resurfaced, briefly, smack in the middle of this two week stretch - it was to discuss taking things back a little. Again, in context - an understandable, shared, and yet still frustrating endeavor. Since then, we have exchanged the rare pleasantry via a social networking site. This person's friendship is conspicuously absent.
About a third of the way into this 2 week period - my Mom and Dad went on vacation to visit my Mom's family and do touristy things in Maryland and DC. I was left in charge of the dogs and the house. I submit to you that a house feels less empty when it has no occupants than when it has only one. Even though I am not a huge fan of living at home - not having anyone to exchange words with during the day was difficult. They were conspicuously absent. And those dogs were no substitute.
I had a time of prayer during this stretch as well wherein I felt nothing when I shut up to listen to God. He was, more than anything else mentioned, conspicuously absent.
As I have said and repeated and hammered home, something was absent. I missed ministering to people. Period. Whether it was at CCF, with friends, or ever by simply being a good son to my parents. About a week after that time of prayer, when I felt next to empty -
A Dark Night of the Soul -
Someone contacted me about a volunteer opportunity at my church. Was I interested in working with the teen ministry? Could I start pretty much immediately?
Yes, yes I could.
And though I still feel disappointingly distant from some people and things in my life, I think God is answering a prayer with this opportunity. Sure, I'm uncomfortable at the prospect - but isn't that for the better? Though I've done almost nothing so far as a Core Member (that's the official title) - I already feel rejuvenated and more resolved than ever to get my butt to grad school next year. I'll still be praying about the friendships and things like that, but those will work themselves out in God's time.
If only I weren't extraordinarily impatient. I suppose patience was designed to be tested.
Next, though it may seem selfish and juvenile to point it out - a conspicuous absence of companionship. That's only partially realized because of life without CCF. I miss those folks, don't get me wrong. But I knew going into the internship that I'd feel a need to distance myself for a time after my internship. With their absence is felt, it is bearable. The conspicuous absences where companionship is concerned came from one unexpected source, one unavoidable source, and two disappointing sources. First the two disappointing sources - my 2 closest friends in Georgia. One of them just moved in with a friend, effectively doubling the distance between us. And, I might add, he is quite content spending the majority of his time with the person he now lives with. The other closest GA friend... well, I realized the other day that I'm not really a part of his inner-circle. This is disappointing, certainly, but not terribly surprising. He and I are close, and have things in common - but ours has never been a terribly emotionally invested friendship. However, I've not spent near as much time with either of them lately as I once did. And I have talked to each of them a grand total of perhaps 30 minutes in the past 2 weeks. Their absence is conspicuous.
Next, the unavoidable source. My life-long friend, whose marriage I wrote about in an older post, lives very far away. He has lived very far away for around 10 years, so this isn't really new. But in the past, he had family that lived in my neighborhood. Now they have passed away (RIP) or moved away themselves. Now that my friend is in the military, he goes where he is stationed... which is currently Virginia Beach. Not exactly close to Atlanta. Again, this is not terribly different from the past couple of years, but I've realized that I want to get to know him better... because after 10 years - we still have an unbreakable bond as friends, but we have both grown into very different men than the boys we once knew and regularly saw. He is conspicuously absent.
Then, the surprising source. A source which I am wary to mention for reasons that will hopefully (if still a little cryptically) become clear. I made a new friend earlier this summer. A person whom I perhaps considered more than a mere friend. A friendship which, for reasons simultaneously understandable, shared, and frustrating, has taken steps back. Just over two weeks ago, right before UGA started back up and I started to take note of all the things that are absent - this person had to take a break from some parts of their life. I was included on that list. When they resurfaced, briefly, smack in the middle of this two week stretch - it was to discuss taking things back a little. Again, in context - an understandable, shared, and yet still frustrating endeavor. Since then, we have exchanged the rare pleasantry via a social networking site. This person's friendship is conspicuously absent.
About a third of the way into this 2 week period - my Mom and Dad went on vacation to visit my Mom's family and do touristy things in Maryland and DC. I was left in charge of the dogs and the house. I submit to you that a house feels less empty when it has no occupants than when it has only one. Even though I am not a huge fan of living at home - not having anyone to exchange words with during the day was difficult. They were conspicuously absent. And those dogs were no substitute.
I had a time of prayer during this stretch as well wherein I felt nothing when I shut up to listen to God. He was, more than anything else mentioned, conspicuously absent.
As I have said and repeated and hammered home, something was absent. I missed ministering to people. Period. Whether it was at CCF, with friends, or ever by simply being a good son to my parents. About a week after that time of prayer, when I felt next to empty -
A Dark Night of the Soul -
Someone contacted me about a volunteer opportunity at my church. Was I interested in working with the teen ministry? Could I start pretty much immediately?
Yes, yes I could.
And though I still feel disappointingly distant from some people and things in my life, I think God is answering a prayer with this opportunity. Sure, I'm uncomfortable at the prospect - but isn't that for the better? Though I've done almost nothing so far as a Core Member (that's the official title) - I already feel rejuvenated and more resolved than ever to get my butt to grad school next year. I'll still be praying about the friendships and things like that, but those will work themselves out in God's time.
If only I weren't extraordinarily impatient. I suppose patience was designed to be tested.
7.10.2010
Overheated
Today I drove to and from a wedding in the middle of no where in a car with no A/C. I had to pleasure of seeing two dear friends get married. A man who I've looked up to and learned from. A woman whose presence has always brought me peace. I can hardly think of a better pairing of people.
I still haven't well and truly cried at a wedding. But I almost lost it today. It wasn't when I turned to see my friend in her dress coming down the aisle... it was when I pulled my eyes away from her and saw the groom. Saw his face beaming as the woman he will spend the rest of his life made her way to him.
Today I saw true joy as can only be gifted by God drawn on a familiar face. Today something clicked for me.
Today was also, quite contrarily, one of the worst days that I've had in ages. Yet somehow, none of that seems to bother me.
I still haven't well and truly cried at a wedding. But I almost lost it today. It wasn't when I turned to see my friend in her dress coming down the aisle... it was when I pulled my eyes away from her and saw the groom. Saw his face beaming as the woman he will spend the rest of his life made her way to him.
Today I saw true joy as can only be gifted by God drawn on a familiar face. Today something clicked for me.
Today was also, quite contrarily, one of the worst days that I've had in ages. Yet somehow, none of that seems to bother me.
7.08.2010
Lump lingered last...
In two days, two close friends are getting married to one another. I am excited for them. I am not excited about the people I will see there that I know. Not for petty reasons. I just haven't really *done* anything since the last time I saw any of them.
I've been sitting on my butt, growing. There isn't much to do without a job, with neighbors taking care of the yard work for my Mom, and with all my close friends either employed, far away, or not getting in touch with me. I do not absolve myself of guilt - I know I could contact *them* too... I just want to make sure the line between friend and intern has well and truly dissolved before I do that. The last time I hung out with someone in this category, it was like I was interning all over again. This wasn't completely unwelcome... just strange.
That's another thing that I haven't really come out and said before now - I'm actually quite disappointed that I wasn't offered a full-time job at CCF. My reasons are many. Many of them selfish, some of them just my own hurt and confusion - but they exist.
Another thing I haven't come out and said formally - I won't be attending Emmanuel in the fall. My reasons are many. Many of them selfish, some of them quite legitimate.
I would still like to minister somewhere - but again, the job opportunities aren't exactly rolling in.
I discovered that I lose weight when I have any degree of real stress in my life - which is why I've been gaining weight all summer. See, whether it was the rigors of interning, or even just the average stress of school - I never really gained any weight during my time at UGA. I even lost some at points. But right now... not so much.
There have been few bright spots to this summer thus far. Thankfully - those that are bright shine strongly.
I've been sitting on my butt, growing. There isn't much to do without a job, with neighbors taking care of the yard work for my Mom, and with all my close friends either employed, far away, or not getting in touch with me. I do not absolve myself of guilt - I know I could contact *them* too... I just want to make sure the line between friend and intern has well and truly dissolved before I do that. The last time I hung out with someone in this category, it was like I was interning all over again. This wasn't completely unwelcome... just strange.
That's another thing that I haven't really come out and said before now - I'm actually quite disappointed that I wasn't offered a full-time job at CCF. My reasons are many. Many of them selfish, some of them just my own hurt and confusion - but they exist.
Another thing I haven't come out and said formally - I won't be attending Emmanuel in the fall. My reasons are many. Many of them selfish, some of them quite legitimate.
I would still like to minister somewhere - but again, the job opportunities aren't exactly rolling in.
I discovered that I lose weight when I have any degree of real stress in my life - which is why I've been gaining weight all summer. See, whether it was the rigors of interning, or even just the average stress of school - I never really gained any weight during my time at UGA. I even lost some at points. But right now... not so much.
There have been few bright spots to this summer thus far. Thankfully - those that are bright shine strongly.
6.03.2010
Wedding: Austin and College Station, TX
This past Thursday, I hopped on a plane to Austin, TX. I returned Monday afternoon. Here's what happened.
4 hrs sleep, night before flight.
3 hrs at the airport. Lots of downtime.
Get on plane, remember how terrified I am of take-off and landing.
Arrival.
Groom's cousin is a lot like me, this presents a person upon whom to rely when I feel like a fish out of water.
Bachelor party, part 1: The tame edition. Poker with family and local friends of the groom, JB. I meet the first of JB's ROTC buddies - he's more laid back than I expected. I also meet several of the bride's brothers, they are nerds - this pleases me, and provides for much conversation fodder.
6 hrs of sleep, first night in Austin.
Early morning wake-up call. Time for the rehearsal. JB wants to go casual, all his groomsmen wear shirts and ties. He changes.
We set up for the rehearsal reception, lots of furniture moving and food preparation. Everyone is surprised by my attention to detail, ability maximize a room's space, and the fact that I can mix country time lemonade. Thanks, CCF internship!
To the church! I'm matched up with the bride's younger, detail-oriented sister for the aisle. A mismatch, but one that lends itself to entertaining banter. I meet the bride's soon-to-be priest brother.
Back to the reception. I meet more of JB's ROTC friends, this particular groups is more the speed and disposition I expected, much to my chagrin.
JB, myself, his cousin, his brother, and the normal ROTC guy drive to downtown Austin to try on and pick up tuxes. Nothing really fits perfectly, but alas.
I get a phone call that I neither expected nor enjoyed. It bothers me for the rest of the weekend, I only share it with a select few that will allow me to bounce frustrations, since they know nothing of the source.
That night, bachelor party, part 2: the "eff bomb" edition. ROTC buddies want to go to college station, home of TX A&M, their alma mater. 2 hrs away. Me, JB, and his cousin leave at 8. The rest of them do not leave until we have already arrived due to an argument with a girlfriend. So, we get the pleasure of meeting a bunch of other ROTC friends, all of whom are pretty drunk before we even meet up with them. Somewhere during the night of trying to keep JB from get too wastey-faced, I misplace my phone. Huzzah. Eff bombs are said in copious volume by his friend, thought by me on several occasions regarding my phone.
2 hr drive home, arrival at 5 AM.
5 hrs sleep, second night in Austin.
My only day to relax. JB goes to bride's brother's ordination to the priesthood. It lasts a while. I read a lot more, watch a little TV on my computer, play a Mario game with JB's younger cousins, talk about things with his Uncle, eat Italian sausage, play more Mario, get to sleep at decent hour.
10 hrs sleep, third night in Austin.
Today is the day of the wedding. I wake up and ask JB how's he's doing. Nerves have begun to do a bit of gnawing at him. Not surprising.
Bachelor party, part 3: Ultimate frisbee addition. We go to play ultimate frisbee in TX heat, coupled with morning humidity. Scheduled for 2 and half hrs. Lasts 45 minutes. Then we play Mario. We are manly.
Time to get ready and head out for pictures at the church. I don my tux. The shoes are tight, but the next size up was super loose. My left ankle already kills. We arrive at church, take numerous pictures. I watch as family members come across more demanding and stressed than the bride and groom combined. Observation: Weddings are supposed to be about the two people being wed, but that's never really the case.
Ceremony begins. Bride is breath-taking. I get choked up a bit... the ROTC buddy next to me is crying a lot. I am amused. Vows are exchanged, rings are donned, prayer is shared. Mass continues. I forgot how long Mass could feel. Back down the aisle. Groomsmen grab lighters, bridesmaids grab sparklers. Yes, sparklers. I light clusters of sparklers, try not to get set on fire, move out of the way as the bride and groom make their get away, and choke on the massive cloud of smoke that has formed.
ROTC buddy finds me, returns my phone - there is much relief.
OFF TO THE RECEPTION.
The reception is ridiculous, and lasts for 6 hours. I give what I selfishly believe to be the most entertaining toast of the evening, recounting my growing up with the groom, and then get to the sappy ending: "I have seen that Sarah has made JB a better man, and I'm sure he has made her a better woman. I can't wait to see how that continues."
I have an experience that I liken to something right out of a romantic comedy, despite my intentions. After the toasts conclude, as the cakes are being cut, I start a converstaion with a bridesmaid, the best friend of the bride. I find her very sweet, in a completely innocent way, and share a lot of things with her simply because that's the kind of person I am. She formally introduces me to her aunt and her uncle-in-law (who is one of the bride's oldest brothers). Randomly, the uncle says that this girl is not my type, to which I respond, "How would you know?" Again, completely innocuous motive, just going along with what I thought was banter. This is said to me twice more during the night, leaving me an impression that I have done something wrong or that crossed a line.
The groomsmen and bridesmaids were forced to have a dance off. If not for "Jump on It," the groomsmen would have been destroyed. Instead, their was much provoca- suggestive hip movement and uproarious laughter. I continue talked off and on with the bridesmaid, she thinks I'm talking so much because I've had too much to drink. I feign insult and instead share the fact that I'm ridiculous nervous when I'm around people I don't know, especially in formal settings - which causes me to ramble to anyone who will allow me to do so. I sense her skepticism. Her parting comment to me involves a picture on facebook that she'd seen weeks prior to meeting me, that "made her day."
Then she's gone.
I get the remaining groomsmen to sing "You Lost that Lovin' Feelin'" to JB with me. At the line "But baby, baby I know..." We instead yell, at the top of our lungs, "But JB, JB I know..." Again, uproarious laughter.
I pilfer several of the table decorations, because I assume they shall not be missed and hope to use them for a project in the future. I ride home with the groom's brother (his best man), his mother, and his grandmother on that side. I peel myself from my tux, and collapse onto the mattress.
4 and 1/2 hours of sleep, fourth night in Austin.
I wake up to ride to the airport, get through security, go buy breakfast - and discover that my debit card is missing. More eff-bombs go off in my head. I call the groom's mother and ask her to look for it. She is unable to find it, so brings me some cash in case I cannot find it in my checked bag when I get to Atlanta. I get on the plane, grip the seat for take-off, grip the seat for landing, arrive in Atlanta.
Find my debit card buried in my checked bag at baggage claim. Huzzah! There is much relief.
I get into an airport shuttle, listen to the Braves best the Phillies, and go home.
12 hrs of sleep, first night back in Atlanta. Catch back up on sleep.
Tuesday, I do a whole lot of nothing. Don't feel well. Lose my phone again somewhere in the house.
10 hrs of sleep, second night back in Atlanta.
Today... today sucked. I wake up, go downstairs, and look for my phone. I find it. My phone has this bit of programming where it automatically saves a message that you've started if you shut your phone - this means I find a lot of texts that are no longer relevant stored away, and periodically go to the delete them. I decide to do some house-cleaning on it. Only to discover that a few really old text messages that I'd never intended to send and thought I'd deleted were no longer in my drafts, but my outbox. Along with a few I'd never typed. Apparently, whoever had my phone during the 40 or so hour period from Friday night to Sunday night had some fun with it. This is again, something I thought only happened in movies. I try to smooth these things out, and am met with understandable skepticism, which makes me respond with indignity. It is not pretty.
I place a phone call that I really need to make, and am met with a voicemail box. I don't leave a message, because though I need to make the call, I am not looking forward to it.
Friends call to have dinner, but I'm still not feeling well. Put forth an effort to pull it together, but unable to muster the necessary energy to go. Take a weird evening nap, get back up. 8:30PM has arrived.
Rest of the night, uneventful.
Tomorrow, I become a bigger cliche and move into my parents' basement.
The weekend was wonderful. However, my combination obsessiveness and disdain for misunderstanding has left me dwelling on two particular parts. The first, the situation this phantom texter has put me in.
The second, the conversation with the bridesmaid, which would have been nothing to dwell on if not for the comments from the peanut gallery and her seemingly out-of-place, parting line. And admittedly, I really enjoyed talking to her.
C'est la vie. Perhaps tomorrow will be different.
4 hrs sleep, night before flight.
3 hrs at the airport. Lots of downtime.
Get on plane, remember how terrified I am of take-off and landing.
Arrival.
Groom's cousin is a lot like me, this presents a person upon whom to rely when I feel like a fish out of water.
Bachelor party, part 1: The tame edition. Poker with family and local friends of the groom, JB. I meet the first of JB's ROTC buddies - he's more laid back than I expected. I also meet several of the bride's brothers, they are nerds - this pleases me, and provides for much conversation fodder.
6 hrs of sleep, first night in Austin.
Early morning wake-up call. Time for the rehearsal. JB wants to go casual, all his groomsmen wear shirts and ties. He changes.
We set up for the rehearsal reception, lots of furniture moving and food preparation. Everyone is surprised by my attention to detail, ability maximize a room's space, and the fact that I can mix country time lemonade. Thanks, CCF internship!
To the church! I'm matched up with the bride's younger, detail-oriented sister for the aisle. A mismatch, but one that lends itself to entertaining banter. I meet the bride's soon-to-be priest brother.
Back to the reception. I meet more of JB's ROTC friends, this particular groups is more the speed and disposition I expected, much to my chagrin.
JB, myself, his cousin, his brother, and the normal ROTC guy drive to downtown Austin to try on and pick up tuxes. Nothing really fits perfectly, but alas.
I get a phone call that I neither expected nor enjoyed. It bothers me for the rest of the weekend, I only share it with a select few that will allow me to bounce frustrations, since they know nothing of the source.
That night, bachelor party, part 2: the "eff bomb" edition. ROTC buddies want to go to college station, home of TX A&M, their alma mater. 2 hrs away. Me, JB, and his cousin leave at 8. The rest of them do not leave until we have already arrived due to an argument with a girlfriend. So, we get the pleasure of meeting a bunch of other ROTC friends, all of whom are pretty drunk before we even meet up with them. Somewhere during the night of trying to keep JB from get too wastey-faced, I misplace my phone. Huzzah. Eff bombs are said in copious volume by his friend, thought by me on several occasions regarding my phone.
2 hr drive home, arrival at 5 AM.
5 hrs sleep, second night in Austin.
My only day to relax. JB goes to bride's brother's ordination to the priesthood. It lasts a while. I read a lot more, watch a little TV on my computer, play a Mario game with JB's younger cousins, talk about things with his Uncle, eat Italian sausage, play more Mario, get to sleep at decent hour.
10 hrs sleep, third night in Austin.
Today is the day of the wedding. I wake up and ask JB how's he's doing. Nerves have begun to do a bit of gnawing at him. Not surprising.
Bachelor party, part 3: Ultimate frisbee addition. We go to play ultimate frisbee in TX heat, coupled with morning humidity. Scheduled for 2 and half hrs. Lasts 45 minutes. Then we play Mario. We are manly.
Time to get ready and head out for pictures at the church. I don my tux. The shoes are tight, but the next size up was super loose. My left ankle already kills. We arrive at church, take numerous pictures. I watch as family members come across more demanding and stressed than the bride and groom combined. Observation: Weddings are supposed to be about the two people being wed, but that's never really the case.
Ceremony begins. Bride is breath-taking. I get choked up a bit... the ROTC buddy next to me is crying a lot. I am amused. Vows are exchanged, rings are donned, prayer is shared. Mass continues. I forgot how long Mass could feel. Back down the aisle. Groomsmen grab lighters, bridesmaids grab sparklers. Yes, sparklers. I light clusters of sparklers, try not to get set on fire, move out of the way as the bride and groom make their get away, and choke on the massive cloud of smoke that has formed.
ROTC buddy finds me, returns my phone - there is much relief.
OFF TO THE RECEPTION.
The reception is ridiculous, and lasts for 6 hours. I give what I selfishly believe to be the most entertaining toast of the evening, recounting my growing up with the groom, and then get to the sappy ending: "I have seen that Sarah has made JB a better man, and I'm sure he has made her a better woman. I can't wait to see how that continues."
I have an experience that I liken to something right out of a romantic comedy, despite my intentions. After the toasts conclude, as the cakes are being cut, I start a converstaion with a bridesmaid, the best friend of the bride. I find her very sweet, in a completely innocent way, and share a lot of things with her simply because that's the kind of person I am. She formally introduces me to her aunt and her uncle-in-law (who is one of the bride's oldest brothers). Randomly, the uncle says that this girl is not my type, to which I respond, "How would you know?" Again, completely innocuous motive, just going along with what I thought was banter. This is said to me twice more during the night, leaving me an impression that I have done something wrong or that crossed a line.
The groomsmen and bridesmaids were forced to have a dance off. If not for "Jump on It," the groomsmen would have been destroyed. Instead, their was much provoca- suggestive hip movement and uproarious laughter. I continue talked off and on with the bridesmaid, she thinks I'm talking so much because I've had too much to drink. I feign insult and instead share the fact that I'm ridiculous nervous when I'm around people I don't know, especially in formal settings - which causes me to ramble to anyone who will allow me to do so. I sense her skepticism. Her parting comment to me involves a picture on facebook that she'd seen weeks prior to meeting me, that "made her day."
Then she's gone.
I get the remaining groomsmen to sing "You Lost that Lovin' Feelin'" to JB with me. At the line "But baby, baby I know..." We instead yell, at the top of our lungs, "But JB, JB I know..." Again, uproarious laughter.
I pilfer several of the table decorations, because I assume they shall not be missed and hope to use them for a project in the future. I ride home with the groom's brother (his best man), his mother, and his grandmother on that side. I peel myself from my tux, and collapse onto the mattress.
4 and 1/2 hours of sleep, fourth night in Austin.
I wake up to ride to the airport, get through security, go buy breakfast - and discover that my debit card is missing. More eff-bombs go off in my head. I call the groom's mother and ask her to look for it. She is unable to find it, so brings me some cash in case I cannot find it in my checked bag when I get to Atlanta. I get on the plane, grip the seat for take-off, grip the seat for landing, arrive in Atlanta.
Find my debit card buried in my checked bag at baggage claim. Huzzah! There is much relief.
I get into an airport shuttle, listen to the Braves best the Phillies, and go home.
12 hrs of sleep, first night back in Atlanta. Catch back up on sleep.
Tuesday, I do a whole lot of nothing. Don't feel well. Lose my phone again somewhere in the house.
10 hrs of sleep, second night back in Atlanta.
Today... today sucked. I wake up, go downstairs, and look for my phone. I find it. My phone has this bit of programming where it automatically saves a message that you've started if you shut your phone - this means I find a lot of texts that are no longer relevant stored away, and periodically go to the delete them. I decide to do some house-cleaning on it. Only to discover that a few really old text messages that I'd never intended to send and thought I'd deleted were no longer in my drafts, but my outbox. Along with a few I'd never typed. Apparently, whoever had my phone during the 40 or so hour period from Friday night to Sunday night had some fun with it. This is again, something I thought only happened in movies. I try to smooth these things out, and am met with understandable skepticism, which makes me respond with indignity. It is not pretty.
I place a phone call that I really need to make, and am met with a voicemail box. I don't leave a message, because though I need to make the call, I am not looking forward to it.
Friends call to have dinner, but I'm still not feeling well. Put forth an effort to pull it together, but unable to muster the necessary energy to go. Take a weird evening nap, get back up. 8:30PM has arrived.
Rest of the night, uneventful.
Tomorrow, I become a bigger cliche and move into my parents' basement.
The weekend was wonderful. However, my combination obsessiveness and disdain for misunderstanding has left me dwelling on two particular parts. The first, the situation this phantom texter has put me in.
The second, the conversation with the bridesmaid, which would have been nothing to dwell on if not for the comments from the peanut gallery and her seemingly out-of-place, parting line. And admittedly, I really enjoyed talking to her.
C'est la vie. Perhaps tomorrow will be different.
3.31.2010
Legacy Shmegacy
Lent has been difficult for me this year. I decided that I wasn't going to worry about the meat thing this year, because I thought it would mean more if I gave up something by choice, and not by some sense of obligation. That seems to have made all the difference for me. In the past, I've never kept up with the things I've decided for lent. This year I chose something seemingly unimportant - soda and tea (basically caffeine) - but it has had an impact on me in other unexpected ways.
I have an addictive personality, and surrendering one of my addictions has opened my eyes to just how crippled I am by what I consider my needs.
I've prayed a lot more, especially when I've felt like I could crack into a coke or go buy a dollar sweet tea at McDonald's.
I've also realized some things about myself that I just genuinely don't like and want to change. Like my attitude, or at least my management of it. I told someone lately that I have a deep fear about the legacy I will leave behind here at CCF. I confided that I worry people will only hang on to their negative memories about me - i.e. when I've yelled at students, when I've been tacit, when I've had a scowl plastered to my face, when I've been down right mean to them, and probably some other things that I don't know I've done.
I've had a rough couple of days, so I was pretty despondent with that student, unwilling to look at the good things I may have done here, and then I brought up prayer. I brought up a big contingent of students from whom I've kept my distance, and began to recite their names, the things they've prayed about, and the questions I'd like to ask them about their lives. This student pointed out to me that I'm clearly doing SOMEthing for this ministry if that's where my heart lies.
I've kept every prayer request that has gone into those battleship boxes from this year. That's a whole heck of a lot of prayer requests. I hold on to the current week's in my pocket. I see patterns, I see repeats, and my heart breaks when the repeats are unchanged. I hear about sick relatives, sick friends, personal struggles, and pain - I read anonymous requests that deal with dark secrets and seemingly insurmountable problems.
Last week, I prayed over the prayer boxes and said something I think I've always felt but never vocalized - even if I don't get to talk to students about their lives, I want to know about them. I want to share in their triumphs and in their praises, and pray for their struggles and their pains. Sometimes the only opportunity I get is in those prayer boxes, but I'll be darned if I'm not going to take advantage of that opportunity.
So, to anyone who's ever put in a prayer request, or even thought about putting one in - know that they are read, they are prayed for, and that YOU are cherished and thought about often.
You are prayed for often.
I may not always show it, and I may have difficulty expressing it when I TRY to show it - but I love and care about each and every one of you.
So there!
I've got fewer days left with you than I'd like, but I'm hoping to make them the most memorable days of my young life. I'm hoping to get to know you better, to hug you more, to pray for you more, and to foster friendships that will last years to come.
So let's get to it.
I have an addictive personality, and surrendering one of my addictions has opened my eyes to just how crippled I am by what I consider my needs.
I've prayed a lot more, especially when I've felt like I could crack into a coke or go buy a dollar sweet tea at McDonald's.
I've also realized some things about myself that I just genuinely don't like and want to change. Like my attitude, or at least my management of it. I told someone lately that I have a deep fear about the legacy I will leave behind here at CCF. I confided that I worry people will only hang on to their negative memories about me - i.e. when I've yelled at students, when I've been tacit, when I've had a scowl plastered to my face, when I've been down right mean to them, and probably some other things that I don't know I've done.
I've had a rough couple of days, so I was pretty despondent with that student, unwilling to look at the good things I may have done here, and then I brought up prayer. I brought up a big contingent of students from whom I've kept my distance, and began to recite their names, the things they've prayed about, and the questions I'd like to ask them about their lives. This student pointed out to me that I'm clearly doing SOMEthing for this ministry if that's where my heart lies.
I've kept every prayer request that has gone into those battleship boxes from this year. That's a whole heck of a lot of prayer requests. I hold on to the current week's in my pocket. I see patterns, I see repeats, and my heart breaks when the repeats are unchanged. I hear about sick relatives, sick friends, personal struggles, and pain - I read anonymous requests that deal with dark secrets and seemingly insurmountable problems.
Last week, I prayed over the prayer boxes and said something I think I've always felt but never vocalized - even if I don't get to talk to students about their lives, I want to know about them. I want to share in their triumphs and in their praises, and pray for their struggles and their pains. Sometimes the only opportunity I get is in those prayer boxes, but I'll be darned if I'm not going to take advantage of that opportunity.
So, to anyone who's ever put in a prayer request, or even thought about putting one in - know that they are read, they are prayed for, and that YOU are cherished and thought about often.
You are prayed for often.
I may not always show it, and I may have difficulty expressing it when I TRY to show it - but I love and care about each and every one of you.
So there!
I've got fewer days left with you than I'd like, but I'm hoping to make them the most memorable days of my young life. I'm hoping to get to know you better, to hug you more, to pray for you more, and to foster friendships that will last years to come.
So let's get to it.
1.01.2010
2010
TWO numbers I have to remember to change when I write the date.
I'm a notoriously melancholy holiday person. Not always, but typically. I'm not feeling particularly wise this morning. I'm listening to a couple songs I've listened to a lot. Songs that I always listen to on New Year's Eve.
"New Year's Eve" and "The New Year"
"It's New Years Eve and I'm full of empty promises, I half pretend to keep this time, just like last year. The band is loud and I'm wandering the shadows, wishing I was never here. I persevere. A crowded room, these whitewashed tombs, they raise their glasses high, they kiss the past goodbye.
This New Years Eve, I'm waiting for tomorrow. My heart is on my sleeve, and yes I still believe, this New Years Eve, will turn out better than before, I'm holding on, still holding out, until they close the door... on me.
It's New Years Eve and I feel my insecurities, are haunting me like ghosts, this sinking quicksand. And then with thunderous praise and lofty adoration, a second passes by, yet nothing changes. I hate my skin, this grave I'm standing in. Another change of years, and I wish I wasn't here.
A year goes by and I'm staring at my watch again, and I dig deep this time, for something greater than I've ever been, life to ancient wineskins. And I was blind but now I see.
This New Years Eve, something must change me inside, I'm crooked and misguided, and tired of being tired. This New Years Eve, I'm waiting for tomorrow. My heart is on my sleeve, and yes I still believe, in You."
-New Year's Eve by Five Iron Frenzy
"So this is the new year.
And i don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance (in the distance).
So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions
So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogues bleed into one
I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then i could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that can hold us back.
There'd be no distance that could hold us back
There'd be no distance that could hold us back
So this is the new year
So this is the new year
So this is the new year
So this is the new year"
The New Year by Death Cab for Cutie
Perhaps I'll be more reflective in the nights to come. For now, though - I'm looking forward to 2010, even though I have no idea what I'm doing after the beginning of May.
TWO numbers I have to remember to change when I write the date.
I'm a notoriously melancholy holiday person. Not always, but typically. I'm not feeling particularly wise this morning. I'm listening to a couple songs I've listened to a lot. Songs that I always listen to on New Year's Eve.
"New Year's Eve" and "The New Year"
"It's New Years Eve and I'm full of empty promises, I half pretend to keep this time, just like last year. The band is loud and I'm wandering the shadows, wishing I was never here. I persevere. A crowded room, these whitewashed tombs, they raise their glasses high, they kiss the past goodbye.
This New Years Eve, I'm waiting for tomorrow. My heart is on my sleeve, and yes I still believe, this New Years Eve, will turn out better than before, I'm holding on, still holding out, until they close the door... on me.
It's New Years Eve and I feel my insecurities, are haunting me like ghosts, this sinking quicksand. And then with thunderous praise and lofty adoration, a second passes by, yet nothing changes. I hate my skin, this grave I'm standing in. Another change of years, and I wish I wasn't here.
A year goes by and I'm staring at my watch again, and I dig deep this time, for something greater than I've ever been, life to ancient wineskins. And I was blind but now I see.
This New Years Eve, something must change me inside, I'm crooked and misguided, and tired of being tired. This New Years Eve, I'm waiting for tomorrow. My heart is on my sleeve, and yes I still believe, in You."
-New Year's Eve by Five Iron Frenzy
"So this is the new year.
And i don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance (in the distance).
So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions
So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogues bleed into one
I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then i could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that can hold us back.
There'd be no distance that could hold us back
There'd be no distance that could hold us back
So this is the new year
So this is the new year
So this is the new year
So this is the new year"
The New Year by Death Cab for Cutie
Perhaps I'll be more reflective in the nights to come. For now, though - I'm looking forward to 2010, even though I have no idea what I'm doing after the beginning of May.
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