Day 8

I am well, then.

"And who art thou? said I to the soft-falling shower,
Which, strange to tell, gave me an answer, as here translated:
I am the Poem of Earth, said the voice of the rain,
Eternal I rise impalpable out of the land and the bottomless sea,
Upward to heaven, whence, vaguely form'd, altogether changed, and
yet the same,
I descend to lave the drouths, atomies, dust-layers of the globe,
And all that in them without me were seeds only, latent, unborn;
And forever, by day and night, I give back life to my own origin,
and make pure and beautify it;
(For song, issuing from its birth-place, after fulfilment, wandering,
Reck'd or unreck'd, duly with love returns.)"

-The Voice of the Rain, Walt Whitman



I received a copy of Leaves of Grass, by Walt Whitman, for Christmas. I don't know what the man's religious affiliations are - but the above calls to me. Yesterday night, after the previous post - I had another conversation with another person that I hold close to my heart. Our conversation hovered upon many topics - but there emerged one common idea - the Holy Spirit. We talked about some of our favorite things, and memories. The beach, a cross made of candles, snow, bonfires, star-gazing, sunrises and sunsets, and the rain.

A mutual friend read her a poem, which I then found and read online. It was awesome. This turned our discussion to poetry, and ultimately to Whitman. At this point she recommended that I read The Voice of the Rain. I loved it - it made me appreciate rain more than I already do. Then she laid a truly beautiful idea on me. You've heard people refer to rain as tears from angels - but I like my friend's version better.

When we cry over the difficulties and joys in life - God collects our tears. Then, when things seem at their darkest and most barren, he pours them back down upon us to bring the much needed relief from drought. He pours down the rain to bring growth. He pours down the Spirit to bring growth as well - but clearly of another kind. I was inspired, and longed for the rain.

We reached the conclusion that perhaps the most near to perfection that we could obtain would be this: A nighttime bonfire on the beach, whilst a mix of snow and rain fall to the ground - but not from such a thick amount of clouds that the stars are obscured.

I mused that this day would not possibly live up to my expectations - but was quickly reprimanded - (paraphrased) "You'll wake up tomorrow to go to class and see the sunrise and it will be wonderful." She was right. I was up before daybreak, and watched as the touches of yellow and orange gave way from the pitch dark to a pale gray - and ultimately a soft blue.

But it didn't stop there - my Santa Fe Chicken Sandwich moment was weighing heavily on my heart - and today I felt tested in the most unexpected of ways. Yet all this imagery and presence of the Spirit, and all of the relationships I have in life saw fit to hoist me above the temptations that preyed upon me. I am devourer - but I find I am being satiated by something far more filling than cynicism and anger. Love. Tonight I watched as a flame was passed among my brothers and sisters, only I couldn't find my own candle. It was tucked in my coat, quite by accident. And I was disappointed by this - but rather than feel left out, I felt my heart leap. The warmth and light provided me by those around me was more than enough to make me feel that I belonged. As the lights were slowly distinguished the image on the monitor shifted to one of footprints preserved on a white beach. I was stunned. I sang my heart out and thought about the simple gifts I receive each and every day. The 'coincidences' that I too often do not attribute to a loving and merciful God. Then it was time for one final praise and worship song, and I could not help but release the tears that had been knocking at my eyes.

Rain Down. My heart is dry, but still I'm singing. Still I'm longing for the deluge to wash all the imperfections and mistakes from my heart and mind. Do not shut the heavens. Pour back upon me the tears that I've shed so that I no longer forget that you've minded each and every one of them. I am so loved.

I got my near-perfect day, anyway - even if I can't see the stars and felt no rain or snow.